Taking Responsibility

This week has been a good one, but challenging as well. It felt like I was constantly battling to trust the Lord fully. That is not by any means a reflection on His faithfulness, because He is altogether faithful and has given me no reason to not trust Him; yet, I still struggle to do so fully. I am so thankful that He is not done working on me yet! Today was a good day of refocusing. I am ready for a new week!

A couple of my friends are leaving, one for school, the other off to the army. Both of these young men are guys that I care much about... and in some regards, it is hard to see them go, but I know that God does all things for His glory in His perfect timing. May God's faithfulness be their standing place regardless of where He puts them.

I was reading tonight in 1 Samuel 2 and was thinking through what it means to really take responsibility.

Now Eli was very old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting. He said to them, "Why do you do such things, the evil things that I hear from all these people? "No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the Lord's people circulating. "If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?" But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death. ... Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, "Thus says the Lord, 'Did I not indeed reveal Myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh's house? 'Did I not choose them from all the tribes of Israel to be My priests, to go up to My altar, to burn incense, to carry an ephod before Me; and did I not give to the house of your father all the fire offerings of the sons of Israel? 'Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?' "Therefore the Lord God of Israel declares, 'I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me forever'; but now the Lord declares, 'Far be it from Me--for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed. 'Behold, the days are coming when I will break your strength and the strength of your father's house so that there will not be an old man in your house. 'You will see the distress of My dwelling, in spite of all the good that I do for Israel; and an old man will not be in your house forever. 'Yet I will not cut off every man of yours from My altar so that your eyes will fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. 'This will be the sign to you which will come concerning your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas: on the same day both of them will die. 'But I will raise up for Myself a faithful priest who will do according to what is in My heart and in My soul; and I will build him an enduring house, and he will walk before My anointed always.

God used people to tell Eli that his sons were doing things that were very displeasing to the Lord. He did what most of us would do and went to his sons and confronted them about their actions. However, when his sons didn't respond, Eli obviously just let it slide. First off, Eli probably knew about his son's actions before people told him and had chosen to ignore those actions. Second, Eli didn't take his responsibility as their father and take action. God said that he honored his sons over God Himself! God will be glorified regardless of if you and I do it or not. I don't know about you, "but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!" So often we like to ignore the sin of those around us to avoid conflict, but be careful that you are not honoring that person over God! Friendship with the world is enmity toward God. Light does not mix with darkness. We must take full responsibility for not only our actions, but also the actions of those God has placed within our sphere of influence. I am not advocating that you go point out every sin that anyone you know has ever committed, but I urge you to not ignore your sin nor excuse the sin of others, because God most definitely does not! He is a God full of compassion, but we must walk as His children in obedience!

Persevering in Prayer

We read Luke 11 this evening in family devotions and this isn't the usual account of the Lord's prayer that I read. I usually read Matthew, but the surrounding context caught my attention. Take a look at verses 1-13.

It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples." And He said to them, "When you pray, say: 'Father, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. 'Give us each day our daily bread. 'And forgive us our sins, For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.'" Then He said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him'; and from inside he answers and says, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.' "I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. "For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? "Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"

This is kind of a different blog post in that it is something that I don't really talk about, but it very much fits in with this passage. I don't really like to pray out loud in a group setting. I should rephrase that... I love to pray at any time, but I prefer to pray alone, out loud, with just me and the Lord. I was praying the other night and saying something to the effect of, "God, I feel like I am wearing You out with saying the same kinds of things over and over again. You know what I desire far more than I do, yet I ask again, not because You need to hear me ask again, but because it is good for my heart to keep asking You." I hadn't thought of this passage when I was praying, but I find it interesting that God wants us to not give up when it comes to praying for things that honor Him... the biggest of which is that He would fill us with His Spirit. Prayer is a mystery to me. I don't know exactly how it works... I can't comprehend how He is able to hear me and everyone else at the same time... and how His thoughts about me out-number the grains of sand... yet all these things are true. Prayer is extremely powerful. Do you ever pray for big and scary things? Perhaps things that you aren't even sure about, but you pray out of faith? The kinds of things where you literally tremble as you pray them? I do not always pray this way... in fact, far from it, but He is slowly teaching me to pray. For myself, I have found that praying starts with the knowledge of Him and His character... praising Him for those things and committing to fully believe Him and obey Him because of those things. From there, praying things that I know are His will with absolutely no doubt that He will answer because He has already said it's His will really builds my faith. They are things I know in my head, but with my lack of faith, I need to see it. I'm not saying that we should be the kinds of people that "ask for a sign" when we don't believe, but rather... believing what He has stated is true... for example, I know it's His will that I grow in the grace and knowledge of Him... so I pray specifically for that. I know it is His will for me to grow in humility and patience... so I pray that. I know it's His will that I love Him more... so I pray that. If you don't pray Biblical prayers, I'd challenge you to do so. There are more things than you could pray for in a life-time from scripture... so start now! Commit to be obedient... and pray these big things for His glory in your heart. After I pray these things, I generally bring my requests to Him... the things that I believe are within the boundaries of scripture... things that I believe would glorify Him, yet I do not know if they are part of His perfect plan. I bring these things to Him, "coming boldly before the throne of grace"... to a point that I am often scared to pray. Sometimes I even tell Him that I am scared of Him answering my prayer request... but I trust that He will provide the grace necessary to glorify Him in all things knowing that His plan is perfect and I want nothing other than THAT plan.

God, My Exceeding Joy

It's been a long day... woke up at 5:30 or so and decided to go back to bed until 6:30 but still felt tired. I'm thankful for the strength that He provides throughout the day. It was a great day... had a good time in the Word, had a good hard-working day, played some volleyball with the family, and now I'm here ready to hit the sack once again.

It looks like God may be re-opening the doors with team handball. When my team in LA started practicing on Sundays, I pretty much stopped playing. I figure if God wants me to continue, He is going to have to make it clear. They recently moved practices back to Saturdays (though it is like a solid 2 hrs away). Anyway, long story short, I am headed for a 4 day camp for preparation for the Pan American Games. The coach is my favorite coach... really neat encouraging but challenging guy. I love his coaching style. I don't know what God has planned, but He opened this door and so I am walking through it and trusting that He will lead either way. May He strip away any desire to make a name for myself and replace it with a desire to glorify Him alone.

I was reading in Psalm 43 this evening and verses 3 and 4 caught my attention.

O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me; Let them bring me to Your holy hill And to Your dwelling places. Then I will go to the altar of God, To God my exceeding joy; And upon the lyre I shall praise You, O God, my God.

It is so essential that we are spending time in His Word so that we are being lead by the truth. Emotions and feelings are not good things to go by... especially considering He has given us His Word to guide us along with every spiritual blessing in Christ! It is then that we can have confidence that we will be drawn toward Him. I love the phrase in verse 4, the commitment to go to the alter of God because God is my exceeding joy. I truly can say that God is my exceeding joy. He is everything that I need. I don't need another breath if I have Him! The hard part is living in the reality of that. It is so easy to distract myself with the things of the world when truly all my true joy is found in Him. In Him we live, move, and breathe! May all be done for His glory... out of joy!

The Lord Will Protect You From All Evil

Yesterday morning, I received an email from my handball coach (from the national team) and he said that he and his family were at the park by their hotel out in London and they got mugged. He, of course, had all their money on him... credit cards... cell phone... etc., but not passports, so basically, they were having trouble leaving the country because they had to pay for the hotel but had nothing to pay with. He was born in Europe, so it wasn't surprising that he was out there. Their plane was leaving in like 2 hrs, and I really didn't want to loan him $1,800, but was reminded of the verse in Psalm 112:5, "It is well with the man who is gracious and lends; He will maintain his cause in judgement."

I told God that it is His money and that I would go ahead and do it. I asked my coach to call me really quick... as I was headed out to work at that very moment. He said he couldn't call until he got to the airport. So, I tried to send him the money via westernunion or whatever it is. It failed for some reason. So, I told him... hey, sorry, but it didn't work and I'm at work... am the only one in the office at the moment and I just can't leave right now. (I usually don't check my normal email at work, but made an exception for this). He replied asking if I could perhaps send someone to do it for me.

So, after some more people got into the office... and thinking of James 2:16, "And one of you says to them, 'Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,' and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what is that?". I got permission to leave for a bit. I probably would have just not done it expect for the fact that I said I would pray for him... so I kind of locked myself in. haha Anyway, went to print his email, and the printer failed. Ended up having to print to a different printer. At this point, with everything not working, I was sensing... that perhaps it's not God's will for me to do this!

I called mom (should have done that way sooner), asked her to call the handball office and check into it... and I went to the bank to check some things with them. Both came to the conclusion that it indeed was a scam. I have seen these things many times before, but it is always from a junk email address... this was actually from his real address with his real signature. It annoyed me greatly that he couldn't call me, and looking back, I was pretty unwise, but so thankful for His grace and protection. I'm reminded of Psalm 121...

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever.

I am so thankful! :)

Wisdom From Above

I have neglected this blog far too long. Life has been so full these last several weeks... in a very good way... but full all the same. God has continually been working in my heart and I wish that I had written more here for my own sake (to remember everything), though I think it would challenge you all as well. Anyway, my Bible study has been exceedingly random these last several weeks, but very productive. I am continually amazed at how God can speak through really any part of His Word directly to my heart. One thing I have been focusing on is trusting Him. He has continually proved Himself faithful and trustworthy. As I pursue His wisdom in all the choices of life from the small day-to-day ones to the big life-changing ones, it is such a blessing knowing that not only does He know what is best... He created me and knows me better than I know myself, but He has promised not to withhold any good thing from those that walk uprightly. There is such security in trusting the Lord. The peace that comes with having absolutely no doubt that God's absolute best will indeed happen is a blessing beyond words.

I was reading tonight in James 3 and verses 17 and 18 stuck out to me.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Knowing that I am prone to seek my own will rather than God's, I love passages like this which differentiate between true wisdom from above and my wisdom... (or the lack thereof). This is down-to-earth and practical... "reasonable" is one of the characteristics of wisdom that comes from Him. Obviously, our reasoning can be off (and often is), but reasonable in combination with being without hypocrisy (meaning completely true and in no way fake), pure, full of mercy and good fruits (love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) shows us what true wisdom from the Lord looks like. As I seek His wisdom daily (because I lack wisdom), I need His work of grace in my heart to truly differentiate between my "wisdom" and the true wisdom that comes only from Him producing these good fruits. May He show me the foolishness of my "wisdom" and plant within me His wisdom not to puff me up, but to help me pursue Him with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Taking Responsibility

Life has been busy with the new job, but I am greatly enjoying it. God has been very gracious to me. I am really starting to get into the swing of things at work and am getting to do some things that I really like a lot. God has been teaching me much about taking joy in the "not so fun" tasks at work... truly, those things can be enjoyed. There was probably 30 mins today where I was able to pray during work... and get a whole lot done at the same time. Those "mindless" tasks can be an incredible blessing.

My pastor mentioned Nehemiah 1 the other day and so I read it this evening and was blessed by Nehemiah's example of taking responsibility. Take a look at Nehemiah 1:5-9.

I said, "I beseech You, O Lord God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who preserves the covenant and lovingkindness for those who love Him and keep His commandments, let Your ear now be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer of Your servant which I am praying before You now, day and night, on behalf of the sons of Israel Your servants, confessing the sins of the sons of Israel which we have sinned against You; I and my father's house have sinned. "We have acted very corruptly against You and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses. "Remember the word which You commanded Your servant Moses, saying, 'If you are unfaithful I will scatter you among the peoples; but if you return to Me and keep My commandments and do them, though those of you who have been scattered were in the most remote part of the heavens, I will gather them from there and will bring them to the place where I have chosen to cause My name to dwell.'

This is a great example of how to pray... he comes humbly before God recognizing God's greatness and his position as God's servant... and he comes before God to take responsibility for not only his sin, but the sins of the people around him. He is praying God's Word back to Him with both the good promises of blessing and the consequences of living unfaithfully to God. God desires to be glorified in bringing His people to the place of His dwelling. To be honest, I can't remember the last time that I have come before God, taking responsibility for the sin of someone else. Yet, I truly believe that God is looking for men like Nehemiah to stand up and be men... take responsibility and action according to His will. I need Him so much to teach me to be a man of responsibility... that loves Him and desires others to do the same so much that I am willing to humbly come before the Lord confessing not only my sin, but the sin of others... pleading that God would strip it away and draw all men to Himself.

The Blessed Controller and Owner of All Things

God has been blessing abundantly these last few weeks. Work has been challenging in some regards, but God has been more than faithful. I am learning much about what it means to serve others unselfishly. Many of the tasks I'm assigned to do are not things that I enjoy doing necessarily. I am working hard at automating test processing and such so that I am more free to work in more enjoyable ways, but I have learned to take joy in the tedious tasks, realizing that I am working for the Lord and not for men. I could use prayer that God would continue to strengthen me and give me a heart to "do all things without complaining." He must be glorified in me every moment of every day.

I was reading in Mark 8 this evening and two things really caught my attention... verses 16-21 and 31-33. Take a look at 16-21.

They began to discuss with one another the fact that they had no bread. And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, "Why do you discuss the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet see or understand? Do you have a hardened heart? "Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember, when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces you picked up?" They said to Him, "Twelve." "When I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of broken pieces did you pick up?" And they said to Him, "Seven." And He was saying to them, "Do you not yet understand?"

It is so easy to lose sight of the fact that God is the creator and owner of all things and He lacks no power to provide for our needs, yet we so often are tempted to look elsewhere when things aren't as we expect them to be.

Also, take a look at verses 31-33.

And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. And He was stating the matter plainly. And Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him. But turning around and seeing His disciples, He rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind Me, Satan; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's."

These things may seem a bit unrelated (and they are), but I think there are also many similarities. In this case, Peter expected Jesus to take up an earthly throne and was ready to fight to the death (as we saw at Jesus' crucifixion) in order for that to happen. Like Peter, we often have preconceived ideas as far as how things are going to happen, but God's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). We must humbly come before Him knowing that He is the sovereign God... the One who owns and controls everything. We must have our minds and hearts fixed on Christ and His perfect plan regardless of what He calls us to do and trust that He will do what is best. We so much need Him to strip away our hearts that are prone to wanting things done in our way in our timing. We cry out to God because He isn't giving us what we want... yet, what would have happened if Jesus would have set up His earthly kingdom right then and there? We all (including Peter) would have died in our sins! God, give me a heart that not only is submissive to Your perfect plan, but one that desires it above all else. Help me by Your grace to trust You fully even when I don't see or understand what You are trying to do.

The First Week

The first week of work at my new job is now over. God certainly blessed the week... I learned a lot about different things I am/will be doing already, got a fair amount of things done, learned much about my coworkers, etc. It looks like it will be a position that will challenge me to continually learn new things... and where there are people, there are ministry opportunities, so I look forward to those as well. I was reading this last week: "A man's fingers should be accustomed to working in the soil of the human heart--the hearts of those he serves and loves--that he might accomplish some of the most valuable and important work of this life." Great things to be thinking about as I enter this new work environment. I was also reminded of Ephesians 6 earlier this week and it has been a great passage to meditate on during this first week of work (especially with my boss being on vacation). Verse 5-8 stood out to me.

Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ; not by way of eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free.

God, you have given me this job to honor You through my words and actions. I commit my time at work fully to You and ask that You would continually fill my heart with big Biblical thoughts about who You are and my practical day-to-day applications of that knowledge at work. Would You rob my heart of the desire to please men and fill me with the desire to please You above all else. Strip away the desires to be "cool" and make me into a humble but godly leader in this new work environment. Grant me wisdom and guidance. Help me be productive for the sake of those I am serving. Take away any hint of the "love of money" from my heart and help me to depend fully on You during these blessed times just as much as in the times where I had no choice but to trust You. Mold me into who You want me to be and glorify Yourself in my heart so as to make me a reflection of Your Son to those around me. Amen.

By His Grace

God has been good and faithful beyond what I can even express. He has opened the door for a good job developing software quite close to home. Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement. It was a hard four months without work, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. God has done so much work in my heart through teaching me to trust Him more fully. I pray that learning to trust Him would not be a lesson that needs to be relearned all the time, but rather that I would continually trust Him more and more. He has never failed even once. I have no reason not to trust Him fully. Oh for grace to trust Him more!

I was reading in 1 Corinthians 15 this evening and I loved the example of Paul's heart in verse 10.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me.

Whether we live in the reality of it or not, we are here only because of the grace of God. Any good in us is because of His grace. Oh for a heart that would work harder than anyone I know for Christ's sake and yet fully depend on Him knowing that it is only by His grace that I am able to do live, move, and breathe. I am so prone to take credit for things that only He has done. I pray that He would not allow me to depend on anyone or anything except for Him and His infinite grace. I can identify so much with those lyrics by Laura Story... "My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused. I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, and lovingly You take me, and hold me as my Father and mold me as my Maker. I ask You how many times will You pick me up, when I keep on letting You down. Each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound? And You answer child, "I love you, and as long as You're seeking My face, you'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

Setting Standards

It is looking like God may be opening a job opportunity for me in the near future. I am excited about this and yet trying to maximize the end of my pre-job time to be as prepared as possible to enter that job and live in light of 2 Corinthians 5:14-15.

For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.

To have the mind of Christ is my highest goal. I want His love to control me... and by His grace, I am free to live for Him because He died for me to do so. I know that when I get out there in the workplace, some of my standards will be pushed and probably broken. How I respond to that is dependent fully on how hard I am leaning on Him... through time in the Word and prayer, reflecting in my day-to-day decisions. The communication of my standards will be tough since we are aliens and strangers in the world (1 Peter 2:11-12). It will not make sense to others... it will probably sound legalistic. I am continually amazed at how God speaks through my pastor directly to my heart. He spoke on this very issue on Sunday. It is impossible to live in this world and be holy without having standards based on His Word. Our standards are not things that depend on who we are with... it defines who we are. These standards must be determined carefully, prayerfully, and Biblically... and yet we must be humble about our standards. It is a difficult balance to "stand firm in the faith" and yet be humble and listen to others, but if our standards are based on our view of God, they will be centered around His character. The goal of having "high standards" is not for attention or to look good in front of others, but because we must live holy and blameless before Him in a world full of perversion.

God, I desperately need You to control me with Your unending love. Help me be fully submissive to You. Give me the grace and wisdom needed to stand firm in Your ways with humility. Give me a passion for You that is so strong that the evil things of this world are not in any way attractive. Strip away any false humility that I have, show me the sin of my heart, and help me to live no longer for myself, but for You--every moment of every day.

Moving Forward!

I find it increasingly amazing just how busy you can be without a job! However, that is soon to change. :) The Lord opened the door for me to have an internship with a local city (in the city hall). I start tomorrow morning and am quite excited about it. It is not a paid internship, but I see it as great practical experience... plus they have lots of connections. I had a surprise interview yesterday. This was the first time that I had received a call from one of those job placement companies. I was beginning to think that they didn't actually exist... but apparently they do! Today I had the blessing of getting to help a friend out with an excel spreadsheet macro. I totally didn't expect to be paid, but that was a great blessing. I received another call today for a second interview for a company in the area on Friday. God has been so good!

Yesterday, my sister and I went out for a few hours and passed out fliers for the new church that our church is planting this fall. God opened several doors for me to talk with people. I have found it such a joy just to pray for the people in the houses that I am putting fliers on as I do so... praying for opportunities to talk with people about Christ... etc. He has a way of turning what could be a boring and somewhat uncomfortable task into sheer joy in serving Him.

I have been thinking a lot about the different areas of my life and how I can press forward in a Christ-like manner within those. It is a continual battle to not grow stale. I know that I gravitate toward the easy path and desperately need His continual grace in pushing me to continue to "learn what is pleasing to the Lord." He has been growing my faith a whole lot these last couple weeks especially... just seeing Him come through time and time again without fail as I have trusted Him. Oh how I wish that I would never again lean on my own understanding! I just finished studying 1 John and chapter 5, verse 3 really jumped out at me.

For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome.

As He has been gently teaching me to trust and obey Him, this verse has rung truer and truer in my heart. I long to obey Him fully... and it is not a burden, it is a joy to love Him in this manner! I think of how James talks about faith being dead without works... it is so true! The rubber meets the road when you are forced to get beyond talking about trusting Him... and actually being obedient when it's hard... and it feels like it's going to hurt you. His ways are always best, let's obey Him... it's not a burden, it's a joy!

His Compassion

It's been a full weekend! I had an interview Friday afternoon and got stuck in traffic forever... good time of worship! Saturday, we headed up into the mountains for the day to be with our church for the church camping trip. We played horse shoes, baseball with the kids, ultimate frisbee, etc. We also had a great time of worship... singing of Christ with one another and mixing that in with sharing what we want God to do in our heart. It was a wonderful time of fellowship. Sunday, we visited a friend's church because we had to be out by the beach for my cousin's graduation. It was fun to be part of a completely different church service. I find that we can get so stuck into the pattern of going to church and doing what we normally do that we lose sight of the One we do it for. It's always a refreshment to get away from the "normal church service" for a Sunday and remember that it is all about Him... and the specifics [most of the time] really don't matter that much. Having said this, I love my church and what we do, but it is good to remember that worship comes from the heart. We celebrated with my cousin for his college graduation and got home Sunday evening. Today, I applied for several more jobs, studied for the interview tomorrow, played volleyball with the family, enjoyed devotions with the family, etc. It has been a full weekend, but a good one.

I was reading this evening in Matthew 9 and verses 35-38 jumped out at me.

Jesus was going through all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness. Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. "Therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest."

So often we think about how we ought to be telling people about Christ but we just aren't. Perhaps we feel like the harvest is not plentiful... or fear rejection. God has been working in my heart to see people more how He sees them. I am not gifted in the area of evangelism... mom most definitely is. However, this does not free me from the responsibility of loving and having compassion on people. Look at the example of Christ! First of all, He saw these people... how often do we not even think about the people we "see". Once He saw them... He saw that they had no direction... no one to lead them... they were lost and desperate for help. When He saw them in need, He felt compassion for them.

I am reminded of those cars that I see every once in a while driving down the street about three or four times (going opposite ways each time)... and finally I walk outside figuring they are lost and will probably ask for help if I make myself available. How much more should I care about their eternal destiny? Am I so caught up in my life and what I am doing that I don't notice those that have no direction in life? In the least, I need to pray that God would be gracious to these people and send someone to do His work... to be His hands and feet to these individuals. While I feel that most of my personal ministry is in the area of ministering to Christians, I am still called to proclaim the gospel. I am called to have compassion on the lost. I believe that we must have compassion on the "lost"--saved or unsaved! For those of you wondering, I won't beat around the bush, I believe in eternal security. Having said that, there are some Christians out there that are very very lost! They lack godly people in their lives that are willing to go out of their way to have an impact on their life. I don't want to live my life and have no impact. God, give me eyes that are aware of the lost around me, give me a heart of compassion for them, give me a spirit of boldness to lead them as Christ would have me lead, and help me to point them to the ultimate Shepherd that leads them beside still waters and restores the soul.

What I Have, I Give You!

These last several days have been difficult ones. I am not one that likes to make huge decisions, but I know they are not to be avoided either. I was looking at the possibility of moving a long way from home and everything I am comfortable with. After many nights of prayer, God graciously worked in my heart to the point where I was willing to go if He made it clear that it was His will. I haven't sensed a strong leading in that direction although that may come. I eventually got to the point where it was occupying my life. I decided to take a day off of thinking about it and just focus on Him. There is nothing like the peace He offers in the midst of huge decisions. It was a process of once again releasing every aspect of life to Him. He is so faithful and patient with me.

I was reading this evening in Matthew 19, specifically verses 16-26.

And someone came to Him and said, "Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may obtain eternal life?" And He said to him, "Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments." Then he said to Him, "Which ones?" And Jesus said, "You shall not commit murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself." The young man said to Him, "All these things I have kept; what am I still lacking?" Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." But when the young man heard this statement, he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property. And Jesus said to His disciples, "Truly I say to you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. "Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." When the disciples heard this, they were very astonished and said, "Then who can be saved?" And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

As I was considering the events of the last couple weeks and my need to depend on Him for those big decisions, I was reminded of how much I have here. God has blessed me far beyond what I can even imagine. I often wonder why it is a continual process of releasing thing to Him. The easy conclusion is that I am not only tempted to grab hold of things that don't belong to me... I am actually doing it. I could identify with this young ruler... going away sadly. Jesus was referring to eternal life here, but sometimes we are called to "follow Him" where He leads... and that may mean leaving everything. Why was it a struggle for me? Because I am rich. God has blessed me... and rather than praising Him for those blessings, I grew close to them. I held on tightly. He needed to gently peel my fingers off the people and things that I had grown close to in order to be able to say with all my heart, what I have, I give You... where You lead, I will follow... no matter where that may be.

While I don't think He is going to lead me away soon, I am thankful for His work in my heart over these last weeks. He is so gracious and kind. He reminded me of the many blessings He has poured out continually on me. I pray that I will never take those for granted or grab hold of them with a death grip, but rather cling fully to Him thanking Him for those blessings but completely ready to let them go if He chooses to take them from me. His will be done.

I Trust in You

Preaching was a good experience. It was challenging. There were several times as I was preparing that I asked myself, "How do pastors do this every week?" There were many times where I was absolutely exhausted... times where things weren't coming together as I expected them to... times where I struggled to remember what chapter I was able to look up... times where I was absolutely not excited about the most exciting thing in the Bible--redemption... etc. But, God is so faithful! When He calls you to do something, He always provides the strength to do it. He graciously allowed me to see my physical weakness in preparing to preach the Word. I will say that I spent a lot of time pouring over the Word and thinking through things; however, it was His strength sustaining and His hand guiding. I am very thankful that I had the opportunity to preach the Word--it was good for me, good for my heart, good for my dependence on Him, etc. It gave me a whole new perspective on what a pastors job actually looks like. It gave me new insights into how I can be praying for my pastor during the week as he studies the Word. Thank you for praying for me.

As I am back to the "normal" things of life this week, I am continually reminded of that phrase in "How Deep the Father's Love for Us"--His faithfulness, my standing place. I am dependent on Him, yes. What I don't often realize is that I am much more dependent on Him than I seem to think. The moment I seem to think I don't need to depend on Him, He is faithful to show me just how quickly I can stand no longer. His faithfulness is my standing place--truly. I am reminded of Psalm 143:8.

Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; for I trust in You; teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul.

I am in a place where I really need His guidance... in a more specific sense. I am so thankful for His guidance through the Word and through the godly counsel of others, but I really could use some specific guidance. God, Your compassions never fail, your mercies are new every morning. I trust You! Your faithfulness is my standing place. I trust You! Show me where You want me to go. I trust You! I know without a shadow of a doubt that You do what is best and that You never fail. I trust You! But, I don't trust you like I should. I believe! Help my unbelief! Give me a tender heart for Your ways, a heart of full submission and obedience, a heart that needs only the slightest nudge to run in the direction You guide me without looking back, a heart that trusts You.

Preaching the Word

Over the last several days, I've been spending much time studying in Isaiah in preparation for preaching for the first time on Sunday. I didn't really imagine the time it takes to really study and understand the Word to a point where you feel "prepared". God must be the one speaking. That means lots of time and hard work trying to see what God is trying to say... why He inspired that part of scripture... and why did He put it where He did? I'm sad to say that I have never poured myself over scripture like I have in these weeks preparing to preach. It gives a whole new light to "being ready in season and out of season". It's hard work. I often found myself exhausted, but amazed by His sovereignty in that. I was at a point where I read the wrong chapter like three times... each time, the Lord had guided me to that passage that I accidentally read in order to be more clear on other parts of the message. I am so thankful for His lead.

I'm excited--thrilled really, to have the opportunity to teach the Word in church, but it's a sobering responsibility. Teaching His Word my way is not an option... it must be His Word speaking through me. I find myself even more thankful that He is the ultimate teacher and that He will speak through His Word regardless of "how well I do". I am simply an instrument to communicate His message. I still have much work to do in making it "flow", but I need to be careful to not make it flow so much that I miss what He wants me to say. Dependence on Him is a must! His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I'd appreciate your prayer as I continue to work hard at communicating His message of Redemption in Isaiah.

Those Over-Used Verses

If you are like me, sometimes you'll receive that birthday card that has a verse in it... and quite honestly, just ignore it because you know what it says. I know that's really a dumb thing to do in that it is probably the most important part of the card, but I think it would be ignorant to assume that most of us actually take the time to look up what the verse says. I generally do if I don't know it, but if I do know it... I often don't even think about it. Lately, I have been trying to break that habit by reading passages that I "know so well" that I tend to ignore. Proverbs 3:5-6 is probably the most common graduation verse... and it's graduation time, so I figured I'd take a look at Proverbs 3:1-7.

My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute In the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

What a great portion of scripture! Think of what you have learned (the good things that is)... the things you learn from the Word, the things you learn from your parents... from your pastor. Don't forget those! Keep them at the forefront of your mind. Apply them to your everyday life. Make them a reality in your heart. It will give you a good reputation first and foremost, in the sight of God, and secondly, in the sight of man. Remember how a good name is to be chosen over gold and silver? Ever wondered how to have a "good name"? Read those instructions again! Don't forget what He has taught you! Let Him mold you from the inside out through the instruction He gives us through the Word. Trust in the Lord with all your heart... everything within us must be continually pointing us to trust Him more fully. He is the only One that we can trust fully. Do not lean on your own understanding... we are prone to live out our sinful/selfish desires. We need to be constantly reminded just how sinful we are--desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9)! Are we going to put our trust in a desperately wicked heart, or are we going to trust the Lord? In all your ways acknowledge Him... everything we do must have Christ at the center. Think of the last time you consciously sinned... did you acknowledge Him as your judge? Your ruler? Your Lord? Your Savior? Your Redeemer? etc. right as you were sinning? I don't think so! We must keep Him at the center of our lives... we would avoid such a huge amount of harm. Our path would be straight! If we are finding ourselves confused by the path He is taking us on, perhaps we aren't acknowledging Him in all our ways! Again, we must humble ourselves realizing that the only wisdom we have comes from God. We must fear Him. We must turn from evil!

May I never grow cold to the truths of scripture no matter how many times I've read it! I need Him to pour out His grace and renew my Spirit with a stronger desire to listen to the truths of His Word... over and over again. Remember the beginning of Proverbs 3? We are commanded to not forget what we have learned. It doesn't matter how many times we've heard it. Let's dedicate ourselves to continually learning from Him so that we are not forgetful hearers. We must be doers of the Word!

When He Blesses

This week has been a full one... preparing to preach in another week or so... applying for jobs... following up with previous job applications... etc. To be honest, today didn't feel that profitable. I felt like I wasted hours looking for jobs that were not there. I wanted to get the lawn mowed, but it was raining. I'm sure I could have used my time a bit better today. I think I spent too much time "thinking" and not enough time "doing". Had a great time in the Word throughout the day today, but found myself frustrated by the lack of things that I actually got done. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

I was reading in Deuteronomy 6 earlier and verses 5 through 12 really caught my attention.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Then it shall come about when the Lord your God brings you into the land which He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you, great and splendid cities which you did not build, and houses full of all good things which you did not fill, and hewn cisterns which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant, and you eat and are satisfied, then watch yourself, that you do not forget the Lord who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

This command to love God with all our heart, soul, and might is well known. It's simple and straight forward, but is it reality? Are we letting those words slip by our minds and leaving them on the "to do someday" list, or are we striving to do it now. This command is to be central to everything we do. We are commanded to teach this command diligently to those we are responsible for. We ought to be considering this when we are hanging out at home, when we are in the car or walking around, when we go to bed and when we wake up. This command is to be so central to our daily living that we post it places where we will see it all the time. Do you know why it is so important? When He blesses us beyond what we can imagine, we naturally forget Him. We take the credit for the blessings... we love the creation rather than the creator... we forsake Him. God commands us to continually put reminders in front of us to love God with absolutely everything in us so that we live in a Christ-centered manner regardless of how much He blesses us. I am confident that this is one of the lessons He wants me to learn before He blesses me with a new job. I must love Him with with all my heart... no more battles between the things of this world and Him... He must win in my heart! With all my soul... every thought, attitude, action must be a reflection of my love for Him. With all my might... absolutely every ounce of strength I have must be used to love Him. I can live daily life, doing the normal daily tasks and still love Him in this way. It is completely do-able... He commands it! By His grace, I will love Him with all that is within me.

A Commitment

The last week has been an incredible one. The Lord has blessed me with getting to see many good friends that I hadn't seen in quite a while. It was a week that was filled with exhaustion, but also one filled with God's blessing. Time in the Word has been a continual refreshment to my soul. I was reading earlier this week in Psalm 101.

I will sing of lovingkindness and justice, to You, O Lord, I will sing praises. I will give heed to the blameless way when will You come to me? I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not fasten its grip on me. A perverse heart shall depart from me; I will know no evil. Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; no one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure. My eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me; he who walks in a blameless way is the one who will minister to me. He who practices deceit shall not dwell within my house; he who speaks falsehood shall not maintain his position before me. Every morning I will destroy all the wicked of the land, So as to cut off from the city of the Lord all those who do iniquity.

I love David's commitment to the Lord in this Psalm. Walking with integrity "within my house"... in private, when no one else is around to see... that is true character... that is who I am. The reality is that only God sees those things, but He does promise that our sin will find us out. Setting no worthless thing before my eyes... this is far beyond our normal standard of "guarding our eyes"... this is taking it to the extent of not even thinking about worthless things. Do I want to fill my mind with things that don't matter for eternity? My mind is a gift from Him! What goes in comes out. Am I thinking about worthless things? Am I listening to worthless things? Am I looking at worthless things? How about the concept of knowing no evil? Am I filling my mind with things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, etc.? How about the concept of having the blameless be the ones ministering to us? Who do I hang out with? Are they blameless before Him? Are they ministering to me or are they dragging me down? Do I find myself in a deeper relationship with Him because of their impact on my life or am I struggling to survive when I am with them? Are they faithful and obedient to His ways? Do they help me make excuses or do they challenge me to get up off the ground and pursue Him with my whole heart? Am I going as far as to cleanse myself of all wicked influences in my life? I'm not saying that we ought to not minister to anyone, but as far as the people I am getting council from... are they all blameless before Him? It is hard enough to live a life of faithful commitment to Him without the negative influences. We must turn fully to Him and let His people minister to us as we minister back to them.

God, give me wisdom in choosing who I go to for support and encouragement. Build strong, God-fearing people as a fortress around me so that when I fall, they pick me up. Give me strength to reject all forms of evil. Help me not to waste my life with the worthless things that this world is filled with. Strip away anyone or anything in my life that is not of You. Fill my heart with desires for You and You alone. Guard my eyes, my ears, my mind, my heart. Make me into a strong man who is able to be a source of stability and strength for those that are struggling. Grant me humility to love as You love. Give me compassion for the hurting. Give me wisdom for encouraging. Make me into who You want me to be no matter what it takes.

Why Do I Worry?

As some of you know, it's been hard for us financially in recent times. Basically, we had two very large bills due next month. Quite honestly, I didn't see where it would come from. I had an interview this morning 1.5 hrs away (yet another blessing)... so I was praying on the way there. I was praying through the following from Matthew 6:

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

After praying through these things, I was asking Him about those that are starving to death... realizing that we have so much more than them. I was asking Him if He was truly glorified through the trials of His children... and asking Him why it wouldn't glorify Him even more for Him to provide for their needs just as He promised.

I got home from the interview and mom broke the news to me that she had received a letter in the mail and after calling about it... turned out that she and my sister had a large sum of money (basically matching the amount of the two bills) that they hadn't claimed for a minor car accident back in 2006. God has once again proven His faithfulness far beyond what I can imagine.

Study and Delight in His Works

I have been working on applying for jobs and taking an exam for one of the places I applied to. It's been a busy but good week. The Lord has continually encouraged and upheld me during this time of difficulty. He puts just the right people in my life at just the right time... opens up another place to apply for... speaks to me through His Word... etc. I am so thankful for His work in my heart. He is so good and faithful! I was reading in the Psalms this evening and read Psalm 111.

Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart, In the company of the upright and in the assembly. Great are the works of the Lord; they are studied by all who delight in them. Splendid and majestic is His work, And His righteousness endures forever. He has made His wonders to be remembered; The Lord is gracious and compassionate. He has given food to those who fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever. He has made known to His people the power of His works, In giving them the heritage of the nations. The works of His hands are truth and justice; All His precepts are sure. They are upheld forever and ever; They are performed in truth and uprightness. He has sent redemption to His people; He has ordained His covenant forever; Holy and awesome is His name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments; His praise endures forever.

Several things jumped out at me: giving thanks with all my heart, surrounding myself with the upright, studying His great works and delighting in them, the fact that He does these amazing things for us to remember them, he will not let those that fear Him go without anything they need, fear of Him is the beginning of wisdom, and true understanding is followed with complete obedience to His ways.

So many things to think through, but studying and delighting in His works is something that I really need to do more of. He has done so many incredible things and yet I am so prone to forget those things... to take them for granted because He is God and can do whatever He wants. While that is true, it should give me all the more reason to study His works... to try to understand His purpose behind what He is doing... to take the time to truly appreciate what He has done. The ultimate example of this is His work on the cross. In many ways the cross is not a delightful object. It is an object that reminds us of pain and grief... one that reminds us of Christ's ultimate sacrifice because of our sin. It is the true image of the consequence of our sin--not a delightful thing. Yet, the complete forgiveness that comes only through Christ's death and resurrection is the most delightful thing that mankind has ever known. To stand before the Holy Judge as completely righteous because His righteousness is credited to my account and my sin credited to His... what a gift! May His gift never grow so old that it ceases to bring tears to my eyes. Oh, to see my name written in the wounds, for through Your suffering I am free. Death is crushed to death; life is mine to live, Won through Your selfless love. This, the pow'r of the cross: Christ became sin for us; took the blame, bore the wrath--we stand forgiven at the cross. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!