Being Wholly Illumined

It's hard to believe how fast time is flying... we are already half way through January! If the rest of the year goes anything like these first couple weeks, it is going to be an awesome year. Pastor Tim preached last week on the passage in Luke 20 where Jesus is responding to whether or not they ought to pay taxes to Caesar and He responded, "Whose likeness and inscription does it [the coin] have?... Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." I have always wondered about this passage in that in reality, all things belong to God. Pastor Tim made the point that in Genesis 1, we are created in the image of God. So, whose likeness and inscription do we have? Render to God, the things that are God's!

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

It never ceases to amaze me at how He takes His Word and continually drives it into my heart. I am so thankful for His work and perseverance. We were reading the other night in Luke 11 during family devotions and I have been pondering over verses 32-36.

No one, after lighting a lamp, puts it away in a cellar nor under a basket, but on the lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light. The eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye is clear, your whole body also is full of light; but when it is bad, your body also is full of darkness. Then watch out that the light in you is not darkness. If therefore your whole body is full of light, with no dark part in it, it will be wholly illumined, as when the lamp illumines you with its rays.

God calls us to "watch out" that the light in us does not become darkness. We must guard our hearts so that we have "no dark part in it [our heart]".

God, I ask for You to purify me as You did the sons of Levi as they were preparing to come before You. I want to be wholly illumined with the light of Christ. Shine the light of Your Word on any area of darkness in my heart. "O God of hosts, turn again now, we beseech You; look down from heaven and see, and take care of this vine, even the shoot which Your right hand has planted, and on the son whom You have strengthened for Yourself." You are the One that both plants and strengthens the hearts of man. I ask that You would look down and that You would utterly destroy any darkness so that I would be strengthened for Your sake. Fill my heart with a longing for complete obedience. Grant courage and help for Your glory in my heart.

Just the Beginning

Life and work has resumed at full speed once again. There have been some interesting changes at work including many more responsibilities on my plate. It is a good thing... but it is challenging to prioritize all the different tasks being thrown my way. It's been very much enjoyable though. I actually spent about an hour taking staples out of test booklets today. I am continually amazed by the work that God has done in my heart. I remember the first time I was asked to do such tedious tasks at work... and how I really was not in any way happy to do it. By His grace, I am able to take joy in such tasks now. It really comes down to living "not for yourself". God has graciously showed me many areas in which I have been far too self-centered and given me opportunities to make Him the priority and in doing so, serving others.

I was reading this evening in Deuteronomy 3 and verse 24 jumped out at me.

O Lord God, You have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your strong hand; for what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do such works and mighty acts as Yours?

This is Moses talking. This is the Moses that was saved at birth by Pharoah's daughter. This is the Moses that God spoke to in the burning bush. This is the Moses that God used to part the Red Sea. This is the Moses that God gave the 10-Commandments. This is the Moses that God used to bring the plagues on Egypt. If this Moses says that all these things are just the beginning of God's greatness and the strength of His hand... I have so far to go in knowing and trusting Him. There is a huge difference between "knowing" and "believing". May He continually cause us to reflect on His amazing works and meditate on His deeds so that our minds and hearts are filled with the knowledge and full belief in His infinite power and worth.

God, I ought not be surprised by Your marvelous deeds... for You can do all things. I want my love of Your works to increase and my surprise by them to decrease. I have so far to go in knowing You. I long to see Your marvelous deeds and know without a shadow of a doubt that You can do far more and yet I also want to value Your works more than I do now. Unite my heart to fear Your Name. I don't fully understand how this can happen in this heart of mine, but You did this work in the heart of Moses. You can do it in my heart. Help me to trust You so much more than I do.

His Complete Control

I was reading some Psalms this evening before bed and my eye was caught in Psalm 33:10-18.

The Lord nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart from generation to generation. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance. The Lord looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men; from His dwelling place He looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth, He who fashions the hearts of them all, He who understands all their works. The king is not saved by a mighty army; a warrior is not delivered by great strength. A horse is a false hope for victory; nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness.

The frustration of my plans is one of the most valuable graces of God on my life. It is humbling when things don't go like I plan them... and He fully intends them to be so. I need that. I need His constant reminder of His complete control over everything. While I am responsible to take action as He leads, there is no strength apart from Him. There is no victory without Christ. It is on this hope for His lovingkindness that I fix my eyes as I enter this new year. I have made several "resolutions" (many of them are not so much resolutions as they are areas that I want to make progress in). I believe these things are God's will; however, I am fully aware that they may not happen as I think they will. This will be His grace in the form of frustration of my plans. This is His goodness upon my life. It is His perfect plan to keep me dependent on Him. In this, I rejoice greatly and look forward to living moment by moment for His glory in 2011.

Not Too Much... Not Too Little

It's been a great week of fun with the family. We have had a lot of wonderful time together from going up to the mountains and playing in the snow/hiking (and falling on rocks while protecting the camera and cell phone in each hand). haha This is pretty much my first time off since starting the new job back at the beginning of July... and it has been very nice and refreshing. One thing that I have often prayed is that God would not bless me beyond what I am able to handle, because I have seen how I am prone to self-dependence when things are going well. I ran across this passage in Proverbs 30:7-9 the other day that I completely forgot about.

Two things I asked of You, do not refuse me before I die: Keep deception and lies far from me, give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is my portion, that I not be full and deny You and say, "Who is the Lord?" Or that I not be in want and steal, and profane the name of my God.

I think these two things are the source of most of the "hard times" we face in life. We either have too much, and our hearts are turned from Christ to the love material things or feel self-sufficient... or we have too little... and because of that, we don't trust His sovereignty in providing for us. I have gone through times of both of these things this year. While having too much seems like a good problem, it is hard to continually trust the Lord when He has blessed so abundantly. It is not at all a lack of His work that makes it hard to trust Him, but the temptation is for us to depend on ourselves... to rest in the security of our jobs or our future plans. How many times has He taken your plans and changed them? How many times has He taken the very thing you depended on away from You? May I suggest that this is the amazing love of the all-wise Father. We see a pattern in the lives of the Israelites, and if I am honest, I can see much the same pattern in my own heart even if it doesn't show on the outside in the same way that it did with the Israelites. God blessed them abundantly... they turned their own way... God made their circumstances so that they had to depend on Him... they turned from sin and trusted Him again... He blessed them... they turned their own way... etc.

God, these words... Your words in Proverbs 30 are so wise. I do not desire a life of ease. I am scared to pray that, but I want more than anything to walk with You all the days of my life. I ask for Your amazing love and grace in always providing what I need. I don't ask for more than that, though You have given much more than what I need. I ask for Your help to continually depend on You now in this time of plenty... and ask for Your help in the times where I don't feel like I have enough. Plant Your Word deep inside my heart so that my response, whether I have much or little, is that of contentment in Your perfect plan. Teach me dependence and trust in You so that my heart is not one that is wavering based on circumstance, but rather a heart of steadfastness in trusting and living for Your fame.

Merry Christmas!

It's time for a confession... I have never really cared for Christmas music. The reason for this is that so often unrealistic things are mixed in with the theology of the song and it just annoys me. I guess I don't like to sing about things if that isn't how it actually was. This year, I ended up leading the choir at church for practicing Christmas songs, so I decided to make more of an effort to like Christmas music... to take the good for what it is and let the rest go.

There really is more good in Christmas music than I had previously seen. I feel bad even admitting this since everyone I know seems to love Christmas music, but I think you'll survive. There has been a few songs that have caught my eye this Christmas and so I thought I'd take the time to share a couple of those and really think through them.

Check out these verses of O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.

O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.

O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.

It is sad that I haven't really taken the time to think through these Biblically-grounded words. I love how this song describes different aspects of God and shows our desire for Him to come and work out His plan in our hearts. I don't want these to be just words that we sing, but truly the desire of our hearts.

Verse 2 of What Child is This? caught my attention.

Why lies He in such mean estate,
Where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christians, fear, for sinners here
The silent Word is pleading.
Nails, spear shall pierce Him through,
The cross be borne for me, for you.
Hail, hail the Word made flesh,
The Babe, the Son of Mary.

This is packed with truths from John 1, Isaiah 53 and Philippians 2. Oh that we would hear "the silent Word pleading"... His call to come and die so that we might live.

The song that stood out to me most by far was O Holy Night.

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend!
He knows our need—to our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!

Do we feel His worth? Even more than that, do we know His worth? Does the hope of knowing His worth give us this "thrill of hope"? What a gift!

Are we walking by faith? Do we realize the humility in which the King of all kings came? Do we realize that He has called us His friends? Do we realize that He understands our every weakness? Does this reality cause us to be like Him and humble ourselves before Him in awe and worship?

He has taught us to love... but are we truly loving one another? Are we making ourselves of little reputation for the sake of others? Are we esteeming others more highly than ourselves? His commands are not burdensome! They come from the very heart of love. His Gospel is the absolute only way to have peace with God. He has come that we would know Him, be like Him and know the hope of His coming... and that in knowing this hope, we would purify ourselves and watch as He looses the chains of sin and death. If that isn't a cause for hymns and songs of joy, I don't know what is! Let all that is within us praise His holy Name! Christ is indeed the Lord... we must praise His name forever!

God, forgive me for singing these words so blindly. Thank You for these powerful words of truth. Cause my heart to overflow with the joy of Christ. Cause both my words and actions to praise Your name as long as I live. Thank You for sending Your Son to take on frail human flesh so that we could know You. Let the wisdom that You pour out continually guide my every action. Guard me from turning to the right or to the left. You who order all things in a mighty way, lead me to the full joy of walking in obedience to You. May my heart proclaim Your glory.

A Good Name

It has been a pretty relaxing week at work... the schools are out for Christmas, so the phones almost never ring. It has been fun getting to work on more exciting projects and less on customer issues, though I do greatly enjoy interacting with different customers. It is nice to have a little change for a week or two all the same. My boss pulled me into his office a while back (I thought I might be in trouble for something, though I didn't know what)... he showed me an email that he had received regarding how grateful one of our customers was for some things that I had done. The reason I mention this is because I was reading Proverbs 22 this evening... verse 1 says:

A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, favor is better than silver and gold.

I was reminded of this incident when I read these words, but maybe not how you'd expect. The things I had done for this customer were small. Yes, I was nice, yes, I was helpful, but these things were small. I am glad that they were thankful, but an email does not define "a good name". A good name is not based on a couple things that you do, it is based on your life... your character... who you are at the core. Yes, I enjoy the emails from people that have never met me that are happy about something I did, but I so much more want to really have a good name.

It glorifies Christ when we have a good name because we are representing Him. Someone recently pointed out to me that Daniel and Joseph in the Bible never had anything bad said about them. They had good names. But, look at the results of this "good name" that each of them had... it was the glory of God! When Daniel makes it clear that it is God that both gave and revealed the dream, the king responds, "Surely your God is a God of gods and a Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries, since you have been able to reveal this mystery." It is with this intent that we must live--to glorify Him in all things. He exalts [gives a good name to] the humble, but He is opposed to the proud. In the case of both Daniel and Joseph, they had small challenges at times and big challenges at other times, but in each case, they responded with full submission and obedience to the ways of the Lord... honest, faithful, of highest integrity, no compromise, steadfast, immovable, wise, courageous, gracious, strong, etc. May He grow us in these areas as we pursue a good name for His glory.

Living to the Fullest

Christina and I had the blessing of getting to hang out with a young couple that moved out not too long ago. It is such a blessing to see two Godly individuals wholeheartedly desiring to serve Him together. It was a great time of fun and fellowship... definitely some much needed refreshment.

I was praying as I was jogging up the stairs to the office on Monday morning something that I pray quite often... specifically that God would teach me to number my days so that I would present to Him a heart of wisdom. I don't know how many days He has given me. He may call me home tonight... now, I don't sense that that is His plan, but I need that constant reminder so that I am living life to the fullest for His glory. I was reading tonight in Psalm 39. Take a look at verses 4 and 5.

Lord, make me to know my end and what is the extent of my days; let me know how transient I am. Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my lifetime as nothing in Your sight; surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah.

It is not until we get to the "end of ourselves" that we can truly cherish Christ. Life is not about me... even if I live that way at times. Life truly is about Christ. I am one of the millions of people that has the privilege of serving Him with this moment. I have a choice... I can serve me in this moment, or I can serve Him in this moment.

God, I ask that by Your grace, You would bring me to the end of myself. Would You humble me and show me how small I am so that I would cherish You how I ought to. Help me to cherish this moment and use it to serve You. You even give to Your beloved in their sleep. It is a humbling thing to have to sleep! It means that life goes on without me. Thank You for the reminder of this each and every day. Remind me of my dependence on You. Give me a God-centered urgency about eternally significant things. Would You not have told me the number of my days if it was best for Your glory? Use the uncertainty of the future to stir within me a greater passion for Your glory. Make me a servant like Your Son.

The Proof of Trust

You may remember the song that most of us have sung many times... "Trust and Obey". It is such a simple song and yet the truths of it and really quite profound. Obedience is a result of trust. When we were little and mom said, "Don't go in the street", we obeyed out of trust... at least those of us that lived. :) She told us this because she had good intentions for us. She wanted us to be safe. In the same way, the commands of God are not a limiting thing. In the words of John, "His commandments are not burdensome". Yes, His commandments are limiting... and yes, that is a good thing! I have just been pondering these things much over the last few days because I so much want to trust Him with all of my heart. I wish I could say that I trust Him with all of my heart, but my lack of full unselfish obedience leads me to the conclusion that I must come to--I really don't trust Him! I have taken the lies of Satan as the thing to depend on. I say it that way because I need to hear it... and it is absolutely true. Disobedience is simply trusting Satan more than God. We love how lenient Satan is... don't we? We love that added freedom... to do what we please... don't we?

You may have not even noticed that I used very Biblical terms to describe the center of our sinfulness... "love"... "freedom". We were once slaves to sin, but now we are free in Christ. Satan takes these very important parts of our life in Christ and turns it around making us feel like His commandments are burdensome... that we are "in bondage"... etc. We are not.

I am thinking of 1 John 2:15-17.

Do not love the world nor the things in the world If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

Elsewhere it states that God has come to destroy the works of the devil... and He says that he who sins is of the devil. Do we really want to work in such a way that God will come and destroy us? Do we not realize that God is no respecter of persons? Yes, He loves us so much that He sent His Son to die in our place, but let us not lose sight of the fact that He has come to destroy some of the things that we have a "love" for. Let us lay aside the sin that so easily entangles us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us! He is the author and finisher of our faith. We will reap if we do not grow weary in doing good.

God, you know of my lack of trust in You ever more than I do. You know all the ways in which I have loved the things of this world. You know the lies that I have believed. I am not telling You something new. You did not make sin desirable. Your Word is so full of reasons to not sin... and yet, I do. I can't even "surrender all" to You if I want to. It is Your Spirit that enables any kind of good thing to come out of this heart. I do surrender all, not with my own strength, but through Christ who gives me strength. I ask that You would strip from my heart any love for the things that You have come to destroy. Give me Your heart about the things of this world... give me Your heart about eternally significant things. Tear down any walls that keep me from trusting You fully. Cause me to bear the fruit of obedience. Make Your will my most passionate desire, my deepest love and my strongest foothold.

His Wisdom

As a family, we used to read a Psalm and a Proverb every morning... we have now ventured out into many other books (currently Ephesians). But, it has been a little while since I have really spent time in Proverbs. I am in great need of His wisdom these days and so I thought I'd read Proverbs again after my minor prophet detour the last few weeks. Anyway, I ran across this excellent section at the beginning of Proverbs 2 that I really needed to hear.

My son, if you will receive my words and treasure my commandments within you, Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; If you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will discern the fear of the Lord And discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity, Guarding the paths of justice, And He preserves the way of His godly ones. Then you will discern righteousness and justice And equity and every good course. For wisdom will enter your heart And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; Discretion will guard you, understanding will watch over you.

This also reminded me of Philippians 4:6-7...

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

It brings such peace knowing that if we lack wisdom, we can ask Him and He will give it. The true knowledge of Christ will guard our hearts and guide us in His ways. It is when we diligently seek Him with all of our hearts that He promises to be "found by us".

God, You have said that if anyone lacks wisdom, they can ask of You and You will give it. I definitely lack wisdom and so I ask, knowing that You will provide it. As I seek Your guidance in prayer and in Your Word, I ask that You would lead and guide me... that You would guard my heart and mind... that You would lead me in "every good course"... that my soul would find Your wisdom to be pleasant... that You would humble me so that I would truly seek Your wisdom and see my own for what it is... that You would provide Your grace so that I would not lean on my own understanding... that I would know You and Your ways and not just know, but understand and live according to Your will. Strip anything away that is not of You and unite my heart to fear Your name.

Not Just Another Thanksgiving

I was thinking this morning about this day we call Thanksgiving. I was thinking about how I don't want to get lost in just going with the traditions... eating turkey, being with family, having fun, and miss the purpose of Thanksgiving. This thanksgiving, my focus of thanks has been mostly centered around the people God has placed in my life to "strengthen my hand in God" as Jonathan did for David.

God has given many abundant blessings... actually, life being one of those. Having had a somewhat close call with a punctured lung a few weeks ago was a reminder of just how frail my life is. The Lord's faithfulness has been so real this last year... seeing Him provide everything plus some for the mission trip to Mexico... seeing how He protected there and caused everything to run smoothly... seeing how He took me out of the job that I was kind of stuck in and moved me to a more long-term (Lord willing) job... seeing how He prepared me for the challenges of this new job... seeing how He has provided for our family's needs on a day by day basis... etc. There have been countless more ways that God has been faithful to me over this last year... in fact, God defines faithfulness. Anything that He does is faithful. It is impossible for Him to be unfaithful... even when I am completely unfaithful.

I was thinking this evening about how important thankfulness is. I did a search earlier today and read more from it on BibleGateway... I was just searching for the word, "thanks". I didn't get as far as I would have liked, but the concept of giving thanks is absolutely central to our daily life. Something I hadn't noted before is that they actually had people set up specifically for the purpose of giving thanks to God. How cool would that be? "What do you do for work?"... "Oh, I give God thanks." Okay, now I have be honest and admit that I didn't study it to the point of knowing how much time they spent doing this, but it was important enough to set specific people in charge of giving thanks to God. If it was that important to them, it ought to be just as important to me. My life ought to be centered around Him... and as it's centered around Him... seeing His continual faithfulness, it ought to overflow with giving of thanks for His unending faithfulness and love.

One of His acts of faithfulness to me is bringing many godly people into my life to "strengthen my hand in God". To those that have made such efforts, I cannot tell you how much it means to me. Thank you.

God, I am so thankful for Your unending faithfulness, yet, I am not nearly as thankful as I want to be. Would You, by Your grace, give me a heart of thankfulness. Do not allow me to credit myself with the blessings that You pour out so continually. It is not because of my faithfulness that Your bless, but truly, only because of the righteousness of Christ on my behalf. So, help me not lose sight of that. Help me never to grow weary of giving thanks to You. May it not be just another act of lip-service, but an accurate reflection of my heart. Help me be more thankful. Help me love You more. Thank You for the cross.

Repetitive Prayers

I have been thinking about prayer quite a bit lately. This may sound strange, but I am kind of more scared to pray now than every before. Perhaps part of it is that I am praying some "scary" things... things that require a trust in Him that is beyond what I feel like I can handle, yet I know that with His strength, He can and will enable me to do anything that He calls me to do. I know that fear (as in being afraid) isn't the proper response to answered prayer, but I have to be honest and say that when I am praying things that I am scared to pray... knowing full well that He will answer it... it kind of scares me! I trust Him, but my timid heart fears how He might answer it. He has never once failed me in any way... so I don't know why I fear His next plan. It is a constant battle to fully trust Him with all of my heart.

I have also been thinking about praying the same kinds of things over and over again. I was telling God on the way home from work all the different things that I am tired of praying for and He graciously reminded me of the following passages.

Luke 11:1-8
It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples." And He said to them, "When you pray, say: 'Father, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. 'Give us each day our daily bread. 'And forgive us our sins, For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.'" Then He said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him'; and from inside he answers and says, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and I are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything.' "I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

Luke 18:1-8
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, "In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. "There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, 'Give me legal protection from my opponent.' "For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, 'Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.'" And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? "I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?"

Genesis 32:24-32
Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When he saw that he had not prevailed against him, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking." But he said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." So he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob." He said, "Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed." Then Jacob asked him and said, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And he blessed him there. So Jacob named the place Peniel, for he said, "I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved." Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed over Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh. Therefore, to this day the sons of Israel do not eat the sinew of the hip which is on the socket of the thigh, because he touched the socket of Jacob's thigh in the sinew of the hip.

Matthew 15:21-28
Jesus went away from there, and withdrew into the district of Tyre and Sidon. And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out, saying, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed." But He did not answer her a word. And His disciples came and implored Him, saying, "Send her away, because she keeps shouting at us." But He answered and said, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." But she came and began to bow down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" And He answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." But she said, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed at once.

God, would You give me Your grace and help to come boldly before Your throne. Strip away the self-centered fear that my heart is so prone to and fill me with a desire to do nothing other than Your will... no matter what it costs. Fill my heart with Your desires. Help me not grow weary in prayer, but to press on in faith just how You instructed us to pray--with Your will as my focus, and with much perseverance. Conform my will to Yours alone. Give me courage to take the next step. Glorify Yourself in me... no matter what it takes.

Focus

My thoughts have been all over the place the last couple days. It seemed like I had thoughts about everything with a resolution to nothing. I'd start to pray and find myself thinking, perhaps even worrying, about one of the many other things I had on my mind. Last night, I decided that it had to stop and spent some time on my knees in prayer... all of which was extremely unfocused. It was a battle, but a battle worth fighting. He must continually be at the center of my thoughts and actions. I set an alarm earlier this morning in order to pray some more, and He graciously helped me in focusing more on Him. Church also helped in the refocusing my eyes on Him. I am so thankful for His help.

I was reading this evening in John 6 and blessed by Peter's response to Jesus asking him if he was going to leave Jesus along with the others that had left Him.

Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.

These words ring so true in my heart right now. Who have I but Christ to depend on? In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my light, my strength, my song.

His Joy

I was just thinking today about the incredible joy that He has given. My boss and I went to deliver test materials to four schools today and had them in the back of his truck and it started raining. We pulled off and attempted to throw the main boxes inside trash bags and others on my lap. If it strikes you as weird, that's okay... because it does to me too, but truly, I couldn't help but enjoy it. It was one of those times that nothing can irritate you because of the overwhelming joy in Christ. At one of the schools (that was just letting out), this little boy shook the tree right when I walked under it... making me about twice as wet as I was. I found it quite hilarious (totally something I'd do). My poor boss was pretty frustrated by the whole thing, but it was neat to see how some of that joy rubbed off on him by the time we got back to the office. I kind of feel like I am learning to be a kid again... but one with a much larger understanding and more of a conscious choice concerning joy... taking joy in the little things... a healthy carelessness about things that don't ultimately matter. I am truly finding that His joy is my strength. This evening as I was thinking over the activities of the day, I was reminded of Psalm 89:14-15.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; Lovingkindness and truth go before You. How blessed are the people who know the joyful sound! O Lord, they walk in the light of Your countenance.

This verse reminded me of Proverbs 29:2...

When the righteous increase, the people rejoice, But when a wicked man rules, people groan.

So here is the question... who is ruling our hearts? Are we groaning? If we are, why are we groaning? Is the Author of all righteousness on the throne? Is His love and truth penetrating our hearts? Are our ears hearing the joyful sound of redemption?

God, cause your love and truth to run before You so that Your children, whom You redeemed with Your precious blood, would walk in Your ways out of sheer joy. It is not because of any lack of provision from You, but because of our hardness of heart that I ask that You would break through with Your unfailing love and truth into these hearts of stone and grant us full joy in You once again. Make us dependent on Your joy for strength. Pour it out in abundance so that we would serve and glorify You.

How Much Does It Cost?

This is one of the blog entries that is not fun to share. It exposes my heart and it's sinfulness... but, I care too much to not share it. I fear for my own heart that somehow I will find pride in "doing what is right" when this is nothing to be proud of.

God, give me Your grace to accurately express these things with the humility that You have implanted in my heart. I cannot even express these things without my sinful heart getting in the way were it not for Your grace.

Over the last several weeks, I have been praying specifically that God would reveal to me any areas of sin in my life and give me the grace and courage to deal with them. I had asked several godly young men to pray this for me as well. God answered those prayers. It all started last night when I was praying and God reminded me of some music that I had recorded illegally several years ago. I didn't know it was illegal at the time and hadn't listened to it in years, but God brought it to mind and so I decided that now was the time to deal with it. I spent 35 or 40 minutes going through all my music and making sure that all of that stuff was gone. God was gracious... and this was easy. I wasn't in any way attached to it. I thought that was it. After praying some more, God reminded me of something I had ignored for a few months. The copy of Microsoft Office that I had was from the company that I worked for previously. This was completely okay while I was working for them and I just never bothered to uninstall it once I stopped working there. It would be one thing if I just didn't realize it, but I admit, the thought crossed my mind a couple times and I quickly threw it out. I "needed" Microsoft office... and they did give it to me... they would even say it was fine for me to keep it if I were to ask (just wouldn't be legal)... no one would know... etc. I had all the justification set in my mind for why I should be able to keep it. But God graciously reminded me that it is no longer mine and so I uninstalled it last night. I wish that I could say that it didn't hurt at all to part with this, but honestly... it was painful. Without needing to pray any more, He reminded me that I had the software that I develop other software with... this is extremely expensive... but this too, I got from the company that I used to work for. I quickly threw out any thought of turning back and uninstalled it. I was reminded of what Jesus told the rich young ruler in Luke 18:22-23.

When Jesus heard this, He said to him, "One thing you still lack; sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." But when he had heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich.

As much as I'd like to say that I am not like this rich young ruler, it hurt to part with these things. It truly is only an act of His grace that He empowered me to do these things. It was a test of trust... how much do I value Christ? After spending much more time in prayer and trying to think through everything I have, I couldn't think of anything else that was displeasing to Him. Knowing the sinfulness of my heart, I am sure that He will reveal more things soon, but He has given me a new courage to do whatever He asks regardless of what the cost may be... for my life is not my own! There can be no dollar amount assigned to Christ, He is of infinite worth... what a pitiful thing it is that my heart was clinging to these things. The fact that I had ignored these things and that they didn't even come to mind when I was trying to think of sin in my life speaks to just how desperately wicked my heart is.

I share these things not because they are fun to share, but because Christ is of too much worth for me to hide for the sake of me "looking good". The greatness of my sin points me to an even greater Savior. He is all sufficient and of infinite worth. God forbid that such small things would steal any part of my heart from being completely His. The call is to come and die so that I might live.

God, help me to value Christ so much that the idol factory of my heart turns into ruins. By Your grace, not only strip away any idols that are in my heart, but break down any desires to create them. Thank You for Your unending faithfulness and the forgiveness which comes from Christ alone. I am in no way deserving of it, but I am forever grateful. Take all of this heart of mine and continue shaping it into the image of Your Son for Your glory.

The Mind of Christ

One of the songs that I listen to quite often on the way to work and back is called, "The Mind of Christ". It talks about living a life of sacrifice... putting others first regardless of what they do... to give grace... to never quit doing right... to give all without regret... to have the mind of Christ. It is one of my favorite songs to meditate on as I roll into work in the morning because it helps me focus on the things that matter. Honestly, today was not an easy day. It was one of those days where a coworker was trying to frustrate me (and succeeded, though I didn't show it). Usually during such days, I am able to refocus during lunch break, but I ended up not really taking a lunch break... and it was just a struggle to keep my heart fixed on Him. I am thankful for His grace and help in helping me to respond correctly, but I know that my heart wasn't matching my actions. I so much want to have the mind of Christ, so that it is not just my actions that are following Him, but my actions are following my heart... a heart that is fixed completely on Him. I was reading tonight in Romans 12 and found great encouragement in verses 14-21.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay", says the Lord. "But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I don't think I'd call this "persecution"... or that he is my "enemy"... but it still very much applies. I am to have an understanding heart... rejoicing with him in his successes, bearing his burdens in his failures... to make peace, to overcome any bad intentions he has with giving of myself for his benefit. Oh, how little such an act of grace is compared to the grace of Him who died for the sin that I commit against Him every day. I need that constant reminder of the gospel so that my heart would be fixed on Him. These are such little things, but I so much need His help. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. God, help me to live in the reality of the gospel. I want to love how You love. I want Your heart and your mind. Transform me more into the image of Your Son that others would see You through me. Strengthen me with Your Spirit and the joy that comes with true fellowship with You. Cause Your Word to run free in my heart, stripping me of my selfishness and pride and longing to see You glorified.

Fruit That Doesn't Hide

This last week, I had a bit of a change at work. I was asked to code several parts of one of our newest reports. I have also been given the responsibility to fix the bugs in our software as I find them. For some of you, this may sound like a bad thing, but I actually really enjoy it!

Thus far, my programming has been limited to mostly in-house programming and other tasks anything from running a huge printer and organizing thousands of test booklets into boxes to entering pages of numbers into databases to delivering boxes of tests to schools. I was just thinking today about the work that God has done in my heart over the last several months through these things. I love programming... really everything about it! The Lord saw fit for me to do very little of that in these first few months at work. He gave (through my boss) me many different jobs and responsibilities... many of which I would have said that I do not enjoy at all! Yet, through these things, He has showed me that the joy of the Lord is not based on circumstances. It is not based on my job, the people I work with, the tasks I'm asked to do, how my car is running, if life is going "as planned", etc. The joy of the Lord is based strictly on knowledge of His complete faithfulness and full contentment with what He has given. I am very thankful for His wisdom in not just giving me exactly what I wanted right away, but rather using these circumstances to make my joy a little bit more complete in Him.

True joy in the Lord is not something we can fake. It comes from the heart... and it just flows out in abundance. One of the days at work, I was "stuck" running the printer all day. This job is extremely boring... pressing "print", loading paper, and stacking test booklets. It ended up being one of my favorite days at work... I got to sing to Him almost all day (since no one else was in that office)... got to spend much time in prayer and thinking through things. When was the last time that you had 8 hrs to just think, pray and sing... and got paid to do it!?! The key to this joy is not "just trying harder"... it truly is a work of His grace in my heart to find lasting joy in Him regardless of the circumstances. It starts within the heart and from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks! I see just a glimpse of what Paul was saying in Philippians 4:11.

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.

I wish that I could say that for myself, but He is constantly revealing to me areas in which I am not content. I need His continued work in my heart to give me lasting contentment in His grace and faithfulness so that the circumstances in which He places me don't matter when it comes to my joy. His joy will be my strength, for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

His Temple

I was reading in Psalm 29 the other morning and the phrase at the end of verse 9 caught my attention.

And in His temple everything says, "Glory!"

Immediately, that well-known passage in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 came to mind...

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.

... and 1 Corintians 10:31...

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

These passages served as a great challenge to me to really think through everything I do... is it saying, "Glory!"? If it is saying, "Glory!", is He the object of that glory? God, would you help me to live no longer for myself but for You who died and rose again on my behalf so that I would truly be Your temple, that everything within me would say, "Glory!" You are infinitely more deserving of the glory that I can give, but help me by Your grace to use all that is within me to glorify You. I want You to have joy dwelling here, in Your temple.

Moving Forward

I was reading in Joshua 1 this morning along with a few other passages and the phrase "be strong and courageous" is an obvious theme throughout Joshua 1. Something that I hadn't really noticed before is that when the Lord spoke to Joshua in verse 2-3...

Moses My servant is dead; now therefore arise, cross this Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them, to the sons of Israel. Every place on which the sole of your foot treads, I have given it to you, just as I spoke to Moses.

After telling him several times to be strong and courageous and promising to be with Joshua, it is really cool to see how Joshua responds.

Then Joshua commanded the officers of the people, saying, Pass through the midst of the camp and command the people, saying, Prepare provisions for yourselves, for within three days you are to cross this Jordan, to go in to possess the land which the Lord your God is giving you, to possess it.

He did not delay at all! He listened to the Lord speaking to him, had confidence that He never fails and proceeded with immediately following His direction and leading the others to do the same. Three days is pretty quick after waiting so many years... but when God says "go"... you go! It is also neat seeing how God had worked in the people's hearts in order to respond to Joshua correctly.

They answered Joshua, saying, "All that you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. "Just as we obeyed Moses in all things, so we will obey you; only may the Lord your God be with you as He was with Moses. "Anyone who rebels against your command and does not obey your words in all that you command him, shall be put to death; only be strong and courageous."

Talk about taking this seriously... to put to death anyone that was disobedient to his lead (knowing that ultimately it was the Lord leading). God also spoke through these people to Joshua to be strong and courageous. It is such a blessing that not only does God give us encouragement through His Word, but He speaks through people as well to spur us on to obedience and submission to His ways along with leading in the ways that He would have us lead.

God, may we be strong and courageous in following Your ways. Give us no peace and no courage to move outside of Your boundaries, but help us by Your grace to run boldly in the path that Your Word is lighting for us.

Manning Up

In the last post, I talked about Eli and his lack of taking responsibility as a father to his sons and how important it is that we take full responsibility when it comes to sin. Eli definitely messed up in a big way, but Eli also was willing to "man up" and take God's judgment for his lack of responsibility. Take a look at 1 Samuel 3:10-18.

Then the Lord came and stood and called as at other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" And Samuel said, "Speak, for Your servant is listening." The Lord said to Samuel, "Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. "In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. "For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them. "Therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever." So Samuel lay down until morning. Then he opened the doors of the house of the Lord But Samuel was afraid to tell the vision to Eli. Then Eli called Samuel and said, "Samuel, my son." And he said, "Here I am." He said, "What is the word that He spoke to you? Please do not hide it from me. May God do so to you, and more also, if you hide anything from me of all the words that He spoke to you." So Samuel told him everything and hid nothing from him. And he said, "It is the Lord; let Him do what seems good to Him."

I was reading in Galatians 6 earlier today which talks about how we reap what we sow. Eli was no exception to this, he sowed irresponsibility and God severely punished him for it. At the same time, Eli humbly realized his fault and even though he did not do anything about it, he was willing to accept God's perfect will... which in this case was judgment. The first step is to take responsibility, but the reality is that we all will fail at times. In these times of failure, it is essential that we humbly confess our sin of irresponsibility to the Lord, start taking responsibility while accepting whatever punishment the Lord brings our way knowing that it is best for us.

David was called a man after God's own heart. Take a look at how he took recognized God's sovereign hand working through someone else in 2 Samuel 16:5-11.

When King David came to Bahurim, behold, there came out from there a man of the family of the house of Saul whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera; he came out cursing continually as he came. He threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David; and all the people and all the mighty men were at his right hand and at his left. Thus Shimei said when he cursed, "Get out, get out, you man of bloodshed, and worthless fellow! "The Lord has returned upon you all the bloodshed of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and the Lord has given the kingdom into the hand of your son Absalom. And behold, you are taken in your own evil, for you are a man of bloodshed!" Then Abishai the son of Zeruiah said to the king, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over now and cut off his head." But the king said, "What have I to do with you, O sons of Zeruiah? If he curses, and if the Lord has told him, 'Curse David,' then who shall say, 'Why have you done so?'" Then David said to Abishai and to all his servants, "Behold, my son who came out from me seeks my life; how much more now this Benjamite? Let him alone and let him curse, for the Lord has told him.

God says that we are to honor the king, so this was clearly not something that Shimei should have been doing; however, David recognized the extent of his own sinfulness and that he was completely deserving of the things that Shimei was saying. Rather than having Abishai cut off his head (which he could have done), he spoke humbly, knowing the reality of his own sinfulness and that he was deserving of far more than just these insults being cast his way. David's sin was great, but he humbly "manned up" and took responsibility for his sin without shifting it to others (even if they were wrong in what they were doing). May God give us hearts of humility to "man up" or "woman up" and take responsibility for our own sin regardless of what others are doing. May our sin cause us to realize how great our savior is!

Taking Responsibility

This week has been a good one, but challenging as well. It felt like I was constantly battling to trust the Lord fully. That is not by any means a reflection on His faithfulness, because He is altogether faithful and has given me no reason to not trust Him; yet, I still struggle to do so fully. I am so thankful that He is not done working on me yet! Today was a good day of refocusing. I am ready for a new week!

A couple of my friends are leaving, one for school, the other off to the army. Both of these young men are guys that I care much about... and in some regards, it is hard to see them go, but I know that God does all things for His glory in His perfect timing. May God's faithfulness be their standing place regardless of where He puts them.

I was reading tonight in 1 Samuel 2 and was thinking through what it means to really take responsibility.

Now Eli was very old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting. He said to them, "Why do you do such things, the evil things that I hear from all these people? "No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the Lord's people circulating. "If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?" But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death. ... Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, "Thus says the Lord, 'Did I not indeed reveal Myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh's house? 'Did I not choose them from all the tribes of Israel to be My priests, to go up to My altar, to burn incense, to carry an ephod before Me; and did I not give to the house of your father all the fire offerings of the sons of Israel? 'Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?' "Therefore the Lord God of Israel declares, 'I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me forever'; but now the Lord declares, 'Far be it from Me--for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed. 'Behold, the days are coming when I will break your strength and the strength of your father's house so that there will not be an old man in your house. 'You will see the distress of My dwelling, in spite of all the good that I do for Israel; and an old man will not be in your house forever. 'Yet I will not cut off every man of yours from My altar so that your eyes will fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. 'This will be the sign to you which will come concerning your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas: on the same day both of them will die. 'But I will raise up for Myself a faithful priest who will do according to what is in My heart and in My soul; and I will build him an enduring house, and he will walk before My anointed always.

God used people to tell Eli that his sons were doing things that were very displeasing to the Lord. He did what most of us would do and went to his sons and confronted them about their actions. However, when his sons didn't respond, Eli obviously just let it slide. First off, Eli probably knew about his son's actions before people told him and had chosen to ignore those actions. Second, Eli didn't take his responsibility as their father and take action. God said that he honored his sons over God Himself! God will be glorified regardless of if you and I do it or not. I don't know about you, "but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!" So often we like to ignore the sin of those around us to avoid conflict, but be careful that you are not honoring that person over God! Friendship with the world is enmity toward God. Light does not mix with darkness. We must take full responsibility for not only our actions, but also the actions of those God has placed within our sphere of influence. I am not advocating that you go point out every sin that anyone you know has ever committed, but I urge you to not ignore your sin nor excuse the sin of others, because God most definitely does not! He is a God full of compassion, but we must walk as His children in obedience!