I Would Have Despaired...

God blessed in that while dad is working down in San Diego and has a hotel paid for by our tax dollars, my mom is able to join him for a couple days. :) These are hard financial times... and what an incredible blessing it is that they are able to spend this time together on a "vacation" without paying for it even! God's blessings are unending! After I dropped mom off to be with dad late this evening, I went for a walk on the beach for a good while... I honestly don't know how long I was there. I love being able to enjoy the beauty of His creation and being able to pray and sing to Him without the distractions of the world. It is so true that the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. I decided to read Psalm 27 to my siblings this evening. To be honest, this last week has been a bit of a struggle with waiting on Him. I really had my hopes up that I would have an interview on Monday and that didn't happen. In fact, I have yet to hear back. I was a bit worried even, but I am thankful for that time tonight where I was able to release that to Him. Psalm 27:13-14 rings so true in my heart.

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

It is true--without Him, I have no hope. This morning, God blessed me with the opportunity to talk with a neighbor boy that had been kicked out of his house [for good reason]. It really served as a reminder to me of the fact that we really have no hope without Him. As I was praying this evening, I was thinking one by one through the fruits of the Spirit and how they are only because of Him. I tried to think of anything good in my life that didn't fit under one of those categories... just to prove to myself that He is indeed the source of every good and perfect thing. I'd challenge you to do the same.

All true love is from the Lord. All true joy is from the Lord. All true peace is from the Lord. All true patience is from the Lord. All true kindness is from the Lord. All true goodness is from the Lord. All true faithfulness is from the Lord. All true gentleness is from the Lord. All true self-control is from the Lord.

Can you think of anything good that doesn't fit in there? I don't even know why it is called "self-control". In reality, it is the Spirit controlling us when we have "self-control". Oh that God would humble us to see how short we come of His glory... that we would realize that the only good in us is because He is the One doing it! I would have despaired if I had not believed in the goodness of the Lord!

Give Me the Word!

You may or may not be surprised to know that I really don't like reading. For this reason, when I do read, I generally read the Word rather than some other resource. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good authors out there that have spent much time in the Word. Their insights are very helpful! At the same time, these people are not infallible. I have been challenging myself to read some of these resources. Some have been Word-filled and great... others seem to be more of mans wisdom with some scripture attempting to back it up. I have a couple pet peeves... teachers that choose different translations of the Bible to fit their purposes and teachers that try to cram God's Word into the box of their ideas. I was reading one of these resources tonight. While it frustrated me to read some of these things, it also served to push me more towards the Word. It is such a temptation when we have a good idea to try to make God's Word support it rather than reading God's Word and letting it shape our ideas. God, don't let us mar Your truth with our "good ideas". Let us communicate as You have written it. What can we add to Your Word that is not already there? He has given us the divine power for everything pertaining to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him which comes through His Word and the Holy Spirit! (2 Peter 1:2-3) May we not grow tired of His Word to the point that we spend more time listening to the "good ideas" of man than we do of the Creator wisdom and of man.

God has continually brought Ephesians 3:14-21 to mind as I work hard at waiting on His perfecting timing concerning many important aspects of life.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Oh that God would strengthen us with His Spirit so that Christ would be at the center of our attention. Oh that He would open our eyes to see how great His love is for us so that our love for one another would flow from the abundance of love He poured out on us at calvary. God, we need You to pull the blinders off our eyes to see that You are able to do far more than we can even think of! Help us by Your grace to cast our cares on You in full dependence on You, the One who is able to do far more than we can ask or think.

The Foremost of Sinners... Me?

Last week was an incredible blessing. Dad and I got to attend the Shepherds' Conference and listen to a lot of different godly men talk about a lot of different things. God definitely had some work to do in my heart and still has a whole lot more. I am thankful for my lack of a job right now because it is enabling me to spend more time seeking Him and taking the time to be quiet enough to hear His still small voice. I was reading in 1 Timothy 1:12-17 today and God needs to do much work in my heart with these things.

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent aggressor Yet I was shown mercy because I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus. It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

I'll be honest, I have battled the concept of being the foremost of sinners for quite a while. I like to think of myself as a "good sinner". I sin, yes, but I am saved, and I truly want to please Him... so I like to make myself feel good about that. The reality is that when I actually look at the depths of my heart, it is impossible to see more sin in anyone else than there is in my own heart. This is why I can say with Paul, that I am the foremost of sinners. I really need God to do this work in my heart, because I am so self-righteous... and yet so sinful. I need to see my sin as deserving of death so that I value the cross how I ought to value it. I need God to reveal my sin and humble me before His throne so that I can approach boldly as a broken vessel, ready to be reformed into likeness of His Son.

Seeing as He Sees

This last week has been a wonderful blessing. While I want to be out working, earning money, saving for the future, etc., God knows what is best. I have been continually reminded of Psalm 84:11-12.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield. The Lord gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, how blessed is the man who trusts in You!

David clearly knew what it meant to trust fully in Him. God has used several different circumstances over the last few weeks to really grab my heart and help me trust Him more fully. He has given a peace that is beyond comprehension... and I'm not just saying that! Truly, I find myself surprised by the fact that I have the peace and patience that I have... and it is obvious that is not from me--it is completely His doing. It is so true... we are the ones who are blessed when we trust in Him. Not only that, but the promise of God not withholding anything good from those who walk uprightly. God is the author of everything that is good. If it's good, He did it! It's really quite unimaginable to try to fathom what Him not withholding any good thing would look like... but I'll tell you this, I want to find out! ;) Talk about a reason to live in obedience to His ways... no other prompting needed!

This evening I read in James 2 and was challenged to look at and treat others through His eyes. I am prone to showing favor to those that I like... and yet, He calls us to not show favoritism. Take a look at verses 1-10.

My brethren, do not hold your faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ with an attitude of personal favoritism. For if a man comes into your assembly with a gold ring and dressed in fine clothes, and there also comes in a poor man in dirty clothes, and you pay special attention to the one who is wearing the fine clothes, and say, "You sit here in a good place," and you say to the poor man, "You stand over there, or sit down by my footstool," have you not made distinctions among yourselves, and become judges with evil motives? Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Is it not the rich who oppress you and personally drag you into court? Do they not blaspheme the fair name by which you have been called? If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing well. 9 But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.

I really need Him to work in my heart in this area. I need to see people as He sees them. We are all just as much in need of a savior as anyone else. We all need encouragement and grace. We all need love and patience. Most of all, we all need our hearts to be patterned after His heart. God, would you not let me be one to pass by on the other side of the road? Would you give me a heart that loves what You love and hates what You hate? Would You sharpen my eyes and ears to be attentive to the needs of others... and would You, in Your grace, give me the desire to do what You would have me do? Thank You for your unending patience with me.

He Gives Freely

I can't begin to express all that God has been doing in my heart lately. Some of these things appear great from every angle... others, challenging... others, scary... etc. I do know that He has perfect plans and I intend to be obedient to Him so that I stay within those plans. I would really appreciate your prayers in this regard. God gave my job to me without me even asking for one. It has been far from perfect, but God used it to give me much experience. He also opened doors of opportunity to talk about Him. God has now taken this job from me without me asking. Actually, maybe I did ask. I had been praying that He would give me wisdom and guidance considering my work situation. He closed the door there, so He must have a better plan. I do not say this because I am just "that strong"... truly, I battle all the normal thoughts that anyone else would battle in such situations, but He has given abundant grace and peace within this whole situation. He provided the opportunity to talk with my boss about Him for about 20 minutes. It really was a great closure. He is all knowing and all wise. I come before Him with open arms saying the same words as Thomas, Lord, I don't know the way!

I find great encouragement in Psalm 86:11-12.

Teach me Your way, O Lord; I will walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name. I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, and will glorify Your name forever.

I desperately need to be fully depending on Him during this time. At the same time, I need to be doing the "walking". Please pray that He would truly teach me to fear Him. I know that I don't (and probably will never) see Him as I ought to. I really want to have the reverence for Him that I ought to have. I want to love Him with all that is in me. I want Him to just take everything that is hindering His work... and throw it down and transform it. The builder of all things is God! Thank You for Your indescribable gift!

When We Give It Back

This morning I played basketball at 6 am for the first time in a very long time. It was much fun to get back on the court. This is very much random, but you'll see how it ties in eventually. At the church we play basketball at, there is a cement wall that goes from the lower level to the upper level. As I was pulling out of the church... all hot and sweaty with the windows down in the early morning, I could clearly hear my car rumbling under the hood. Random fact: I do like the sound of my car. I don't want to give you the impression that I absolutely love my car because in all reality, I have never been into the whole car thing. In fact, I decided when I was in like 7th grade that my first car would be a mini-van so that when I got married and had kids, I wouldn't have to get a new car. Okay, so I was thinking a bit in advance, but it makes me laugh now. All that to say, the sound of my car this morning was a reminder that it is an amazing blessing from the Lord to have a car... and to have a nice car is an added bonus. I am very thankful for it. I would not have picked it if I was going to purchase my own car, but God graciously blessed me with it through my parents. So, as I was pulling out of the driveway of the church, I was thinking back to some of my initial thoughts about the car. I was thinking about the fact that I'd likely have more opportunities to have an impact on some teenage boys because all of them (generally) are interested in cars. To be honest, I have seen very few opportunities in this regard. As I continued, I was thinking about the different things I have... computers, camera, car, phone, etc... and how I am or am not using these things for His glory. I was realizing that I really hadn't used my car all that much for His glory, so I again rededicated my car to Him... because it is His. If He wants to take it, so be it. It's His tool, for His glory, which He has put in my hands. So, I was praying that He would use it as such. About a minute later, I drove by a truck on the side of the road... and about 200 yards away from that, I saw a man walking (obviously in his work uniform) and it was like God said, "You asked for it... here it is!"... so, I stopped and found out that he was out of gas and gave him a ride to the gas station. I say this not to my credit... but completely to His. He did the work in my heart and dropped the opportunity right there in my lap. It was such an incredible blessing for me seeing how He answered that prayer so immediately. It was a real faith building experience. I'm going to try to take more time to analyze exactly how I am using the things He has given me... and see how I can use them to further His kingdom. He never ceases to amaze me in the way that He can work in my heart. He is so good and so faithful!

Ever since the mission trip, I have thought much about Philippians 2:3-4.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Down in Mexico, there is a huge focus on making people feel like they matter to you. It's really a culture based on relationships. We are so separated from each other... so self-serving. I don't want to live life in such a way that I can just ignore people. It's an easy thing to live my own life and not impact people... but that is not His plan. His plan is for us to redeem the time! I want people to matter to me because they matter to God. One of the things I challenged the team to do was to try to remember people's names. I'll be honest, I am very bad with names. I really have to make a point of trying hard to remember their names. If God knows the number of hairs on their head, I ought to be able to remember their name! If God cares that infinitely about them, I ought to at least give them my time of day. Oh, may I never be so caught up in myself that I can't even give a minute to someone that God cares infinitely about. I desperately need Him to take my heart and form it into His likeness.

In the Stillness

In these last couple weeks, I have had a whole lot to think through... the last year of challenges and blessings... how God continually provided the grace to do what was needed... how many doors He closed that I expected to open and how many doors He opened that I expected to be closed. Truly, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways, higher than mine.

Just to give you a little bit of an idea what God has been doing in my heart over these last couple weeks... when I came back from Mexico, I felt somewhat lost. Obviously, there is great joy in serving Him... especially with a bunch of people all seeking to honor Him in word and action. I was truly blessed throughout the whole trip by His amazing faithfulness, by the things He taught me, and by the people on the team that He used to build me up in Christ throughout the trip. Coming back, I really had to reevaluate my priorities. I can't stress how important it is to really sit down and take some time to think and pray. In the busy-ness of life, we can so easily lose track of His voice. We must be still and listen attentively as we seek Him with all of our heart. You would be shocked if I told you all the things that I had at least considered over the last couple weeks. After talking with a friend about these things and praying and thinking about all the different directions I could go from here, God graciously reminded me of many of the things that I have to work on during this "waiting" period. Alex and I concluded the trip with that study on waiting on Him... and I struggled until the other day to really understand how that looked on a practical level for me at this point. Thanks to His patience and guidance, I was reminded of a huge Bible study that I had been working on for several months now that really needs more attention. I was also reminded of the need to keep better records of my finances and be preparing for the future in that area. He also reminded me of the importance of spending time with my siblings and making a difference in their lives... not to mention that it will help me when I enter a relationship. He also reminded me that I need to be careful to take good care of the things He has given me. I have so much, yet the world is not my home... I must take care of these things and use them for His glory.

I have been studying Romans since I got back from Mexico and it has been a huge blessing to me. One passage that really stood out to me was Romans 12:10-16.

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

We would be so well off if we just lived in accordance with this passage. I often pray that He would help me hate evil and cling to what is good. I really never noticed the first part of that verse explaining why we need to live that way. It really is hypocritical to love what is evil. Knowing that God is love and all good things come from Him... to use love as an expression toward something evil is to really mix God's character with evil... which is really hypocritical. Being devoted to one another is really an essential aspect of fellowship. God did not create us in our own little worlds for a reason. He created us to fellowship with one another... to truly love each other as He loved us... to put others before ourselves. In so doing, we are serving Him and blessing each other. We desperately need people to stand firm by us and keep us going in the right direction when we start to stray. We need to be praying for one another! I really struggle with the idea of weeping with those that weep. I am generally not an emotional person. I do cry when I feel I need to cry, but that is very rare. I generally think very realistically about things. For example, if someone dies and they know the Lord, that is something to celebrate... even if I will miss them. If they don't know the Lord, it is extremely sad, but I figure crying won't help that. I can focus on praying for the salvation of others... etc. While I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with this, we are called to weep with those that weep... and that is something I need to work on. We are also called to have the same mind toward one another... and I believe that mind was specified in the verses above. We are to have a heart of humility modeled after Christ who came in human flesh--the ultimate humiliation for the Creator of the universe. I pray that my heart would be full of these things and that it would manifest itself in the way I live.

His Faithfulness - Mexico 2010

I can't express in words all that is going on in my heart. I think it will take months to process... and I think I want it to take a long time. I should be posting pictures in the near future. To at least give you an idea, here is the work crew with the almost completed roof.

Your prayers for us have been such an incredible blessing. We all arrived safe and sound back to our homes. Alex is probably still on the road headed to some relatives and will be on the road for the next week or so, so you can continue to uphold him in your prayers. I was telling the team the other night that I fully expected to have some sort of major issue on the trip and the only "major issue" we had was that we were given old versions of paperwork for our travlers permit and they wouldn't let us pay for it at the banks. This "major issue" saved each of us $30 and didn't hinder us from getting back to the US. He is so good!

Just to give you a glimse of His visible faithfulness to us on this trip:

-He supplied far above and beyond the necessary funds to complete the house while making it so that we could take no credit for it.
-He brought us safely down to AZ... Alex having spent like 40 hours driving with no issues whatsoever.
-He kept everyone well the entire trip other than one day where Alex was sick and God used that day in incredible ways in his heart.
-He kept us safe during the construction other than cuts, bumps and brusies.
-He gave us great times of fellowship from singing in the car to Bible studies on the beach.
-He truly did unite our hearts to sing His praise.
-He cleased the mission house of Satan's attacks on the Powell family... we literally saw Benny (one of the Powell's little boys) go from coughing non-stop to resting peacefully.
-He broke our hearts to tears and yet still abundantly supplied His grace and mercy.
-He opened doors of opportunity to speak the truth of the gospel to many.
-He displayed a glimse of His majesty through the ocean waves and the vastness of the stars.
-He graciously allowed the things of earth to grow strangly dim in the light of His glory and grace.
-He renewed the joy of our salvation.

Alex and I had a great Bible study in Lamentations 3, yesterday morning on the bus and it really brought great closure to the trip for me.

Lamentations 3:17-26

I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD." I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

At the beginning of the week, we talked about Isaiah 40:28-31 which talks about waiting on the Lord. We often associate waiting with doing nothing. We came to the conclusion that this waiting is not an inactive waiting. The Word is full of instructions for our daily living. Let's take Romans 6:12 for example... "Let not sin reign in your mortal bodies...", or how about 2 Timothy 2:22, "...pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace..." This is not a time to wait inactively... we have so much to prepare for! Hebrews 11 clearly shows us that He is faithful when we trust Him and act based on the truth of His promises.

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

Waiting on Him is living for Him every moment of every day, trusting that His ways are best, and eagerly seeking to see Him do His part as He promises. We may not always be blessed with being able to see the results, but He will do it regardless, and we must trust Him.

Thank you all for your prayers. Pray that His work would continue in each of our hearts as this is prime time for Satan's fiery darts, and they must be quenched with with Spirit. Join me in thanking Him for His faithfulness.

Desiring What He Desires

As this mission trip approaches, I am finding it all the more essential to spend time with Him. I'll admit that I am a little bit scared about this whole trip. I know that He is in control and that He will lead, but I still must follow. We all must follow. I just want my heart to be so finely tuned to His ways that my desires are exactly what He desires. That really is His will for us... and it makes it so easy to follow His will when my will matches His. I was reading Psalm 73 today and could identify with some of these words (verses 2-3, 23-26).

But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling, my steps had almost slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant as I saw the prosperity of the wicked... Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, And afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

If I really take the time to think about my heart, there are ways that I am jealous of people that do not "play by the rules". I do know that in the long run, His ways are always best, but I must believe and act on that for the short run too! I want to be able to say 100% that I desire nothing on earth other than Him. I love that fact that He will guide me with His perfect counsel... that He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Please pray that I would live in the reality of being "continually with Him". I need Him, more than ever before, to continually take my hand and guide me.

The Challenge of Respect

Life has been extremely busy, but I am very much excited to be done with another semester of school. It was nice to be able to take classes that I actually wanted to take rather than taking required classes. :) I think I learned a lot more this way. I am currently working full time, but looking for where He might lead next as far as my job. I am very much thankful for the job I have, but I don't feel like it is my final destination. Looking forward to seeing what He will do there.

Some of you know that I have been organizing a mission trip down to Mexico. We will be leaving on January 3rd! Believe it or not, I have never been on a mission trip before! There have been a few times that I have filled out applications for a mission trip and after praying about it, decided not to go. I am greatly looking forward to seeing His work in places other than my little view of the world. Please keep us in prayer for safety and unity. Please also pray that He would be opening the hearts of those to whom we minister to. Lastly, please pray that God would provide the necessary finances to get as much done on the house we will be working on as possible. I look forward to how He will change me through this trip.

I was reading 1 Peter 2 today and verses 13-17 really caught my attention.

Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God. Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

I found it interesting that we submit ourselves to the authority He has placed over us for the punishment of evil and the praise of righteousness. Let's face it... we often find ourselves entertained by evil things that we ought to hate. We see movies where we hope the bad guy gets away. We are surrounded by a twisted viewpoint of what is right and wrong. By being obedient to authorities, we help untwist that. Not only that, but it is God's will! How often do we seek for His will? Well, here it is... stated directly... His will is for us to submit to authorities for His sake. We are to use our freedom to become His servant for life! Think of what the world would be like if in our free time, the first thing we wanted to do was serve Him. I truly think we would turn the earth upside down. For many (myself included), it is difficult to honor those that He has placed over us in this country. I have no excuse. It is His will for me to honor them for where God has placed them. I doesn't meant that I have to agree with everything, but I must honor them for His sake. I'd challenge you to pick one person that is in authority over you (parents, teacher, pastor, elder, police, president, etc.) every day this week to concentrate on honoring. Don't make it easy on yourself... pick those you naturally dishonor and choose, for His sake, to honor them.

Thanksgiving Once Again!

I can't believe it is Thanksgiving again already. I think Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday of the year... great food, lots of fun... football, and giving of thanks. I find that giving thanks blesses me far more than I can imagine it blessing the person I'm thanking. When I start thinking of all the blessings that He has poured out on me through an individual or situation, my heart overflows with joy. Just off the top of my head, these are some of the things I am thankful for in this last year.

He did an incredible work for me to find favor in the eyes of several instructors so that they graciously made a way for me to graduate last December. He has given me a good job... not one I see myself in for forever, but He has graciously allowed me to remain there until I move on. He has given me an amazing family... I can't imagine what it would be like to grow up without a dad and mom that both seek to honor Him and teach me to do the same. He opened the doors for me to play team handball on the national team... so undeserved, but clearly His blessing. He has continually changed my heart through His Word and the teaching of Pastor Tim. He has given me the opportunity to serve Him with music at church and elsewhere... something I absolutely love to do! He has brought so many godly friends into my life to encourage me in the Lord. He has forgiven my sins! He remains faithful when I am faithless! He pursues and guides my heart. He gives me only His very best for me. He gives infinite mercy and grace. He graciously gives me a lack of peace when I am not walking closely with Him. He freely grants perfect peace when I rest in the shadow of His wings. He has blessed me with life and breath. He has given me eyes to see just glimpses of His majesty. He has given me ears to hear and enjoy the praises of His people. He has given me a mouth to sing and proclaim His praises. I could go on forever. He is so good!!! Thank You, Lord!

I pray that this thanksgiving was a blessing to you as it was to me. I know that the world is not exactly how we would like it to be at the moment, but God has blessed us in so many ways. We must give thanks with all our hearts (Psalm 138:1).

Missing Your Ax?

God has continually been faithful in providing what we need. He is so faithful and good. The Lord convicted me the other day that I was not getting involved in people's lives how I ought to be. I let myself get busy and used that as an excuse to neglect my responsibility to both disciple and be discipled. Really looking forward to spending some time weekly in prayer with a good friend of mine! I find it amazing that when God convicts, He always has a perfect opportunity right there for me to apply it. I am so thankful for His faithfulness to me. I was reading in 1 John 5 this evening. Verses 18-21 really stuck out to me.

We know that no one who is born of God sins; but He who was born of God keeps him, and the evil one does not touch him. We know that we are of God, and that the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come, and has given us understanding so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ This is the true God and eternal life. Little children, guard yourselves from idols.

The reality is that we are in a spiritual battle. It's not like we are just living life battling our flesh. Yes, we are battling our flesh, but there is a very real spiritual battle out there. It's the battle for our loyalty. So, I ask you... have you been using your ax lately? I didn't say Axe... although I hope you use deodorant. ;) I mean, have you been chopping down your idols? Honestly, I think my ax has been hidden in the garage somewhere these last couple of days. I so much need it to be sharpened by the Word of God and used without restraint to cut down anything in my life that exalts itself against the one true God. If you (like me) haven't spent quality time in the Word in these last couple days, don't delay. It doesn't take long before our ax gets hidden away. We need His Word to transform us each and every moment of every day!

Stand and see... go out and fight!

I think I will officially stop making excuses about life being busy. I think you can just assume that from now on. ;) God has been good! There are so many things that He has blessed me with lately... Bible study at Cal Baptist has been a continual blessing, leading the church choir has been a great blessing and growing experience... so much fun to sing to the Lord in harmony, I have been learning a good amount with these online classes that I'm taking, the Rebelution forum team has continually blessed and encouraged me, etc. He is so good! There are many challenges in life right now, but it is definitely a time of growth in my heart. I am excited about what He is doing even though I really don't fully understand what He is doing. I was reading 2 Chronicles 20 this evening as I was thinking of a passage that was applicable to both waiting on Him and to doing what He has called me to do. Take a look at verses 3-4 and 14-18.

Jehoshaphat was afraid and turned his attention to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. So Judah gathered together to seek help from the LORD; they even came from all the cities of Judah to seek the LORD ... Then in the midst of the assembly the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, the Levite of the sons of Asaph; and he said, "Listen, all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not fear or be dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours but God's. 'Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the valley in front of the wilderness of Jeruel. 'You need not fight in this battle; station yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem ' Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face them, for the LORD is with you." Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the LORD, worshiping the LORD.

What I need most is to fully turn to Him as the source of all that I need. The battle belongs completely to Him. It's a mystery that He calls us to "stand and see the salvation of the Lord" at the same time that He calls us to "go out to face them". I may not know the details in how He will work everything out, but I am confident that I will end up face down before the Lord, worshiping Him.

His Righteousness

I spent some time today reflecting on some of the things that He has done in the last few years... things I couldn't have even started to imagine. He has been so faithful and so abundantly gracious and merciful. Right now is a tough time financially for many including us. It can be stressful to an unhealthy level, so just taking the time to think about all the blessings He has poured out on me and how He has continually taken care of me has been such a blessing and encouragement today. I had a song stuck in my head all day today. It's a song called, "Perfect Peace" written by one of my favorite modern-day song writers--Laura Story. I'd encourage you to look up her music if you have a chance... great Biblical perspectives on life. Anyway, here are the lyrics...

Stay close by My side
Keep your eyes on Me
Though this life is hard
I will give you perfect peace

In this time of trial
Pain that no one sees
Trust Me when I say
I will give you perfect peace

And you'll never walk alone
And you'll never be in need
Though I may not calm the storms around you
You can hide in Me

Burdens that you bear
Offer no relief
Let Me bear your load
'Cause I will give you perfect peace

Stay close by My side
And you'll never walk alone
Keep your eyes on Me
And you'll never be in need
Though this life is hard
Know that I will always give you perfect peace
I will give you perfect peace

What a blessing it is to have people that have gone before us who have taken the time to think Biblical thoughts about the trials of life. Those words, "Stay close by My side, keep your eyes on Me" are so simple and yet so essential. As soon as I lose sight of Him and start to look to things on this earth, that is when I start seeing all my needs... the needs that He promises to meet.

I was reading through Romans 9 and 10 today and verses 1-3 of chapter 10 stuck out to me.

Brethren, my heart's desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation. For I testify about them that they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge. For not knowing about God's righteousness and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God.

This passage was very much convicting. Within me, there is a great temptation to try to live righteously without subjecting myself to His perfect righteousness. The reality is that we can have as much zeal for righteous living as we can muster and that will not be enough. It is when we truly see that our righteousness is as filthy rags... and humble ourselves before Him that we can truly live righteous, God-glorifying lives.

We are not of the flesh!

I can't believe how fast time is flying right now. It seems like I never have enough time to do what I want to do. I guess that is probably a good thing though. Church has continually been a great blessing. We did our first choir song at church a week ago. We sang, "How Deep the Father's Love for Us". One of the challenges of being part of a worship team or choir is to really let the words sink in to my heart. Words like, "that He should give His only son, to make a wretch His treasure"... how humbling! I don't see any good reason for Him to treasure me... and yet He does. Realizing that my righteousness is as filthy rags to Him... that is some deep love that He has for me! I was reading Romans 8 today and verses 6-10 really stood out to me.

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you, but if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.

I know that my thoughts and actions reflect the flesh far more than it ought to. What a blessing it is when He doesn't grant us peace! If He were to give us peace when we live by the flesh, we would continue to do so. The reality is that the flesh is completely opposing Him. Obvious statement I know, but how often to I (we) allow thoughts to go unchallenged? How often to do we not take everything captive to the obedience of Christ? The truth is that for those of us that are saved, we are no longer in bondage to the flesh... we have the Spirit inside of us to live through us. This passage is a great reminder of our position in Christ. In these times where it is so easy to not trust Him with everything, it is essential that we completely trust Him and live as He wills.

Being Content

Life has been super busy lately, but God has been good. There has been one pretty major change in my life... I decided to quit working on the IT side of the company I currently work for. I still work for the programming side of the company, but this will probably end in a cut in hours. This may not sound like a good thing, but I believe it is His best at this time. I am very thankful for His guidance and the godly counsel of my parents as well.

I was notified somewhat recently that I am part of a pool of 26 guys for USA Team Handball that will be chosen to travel around this next year for tournaments. I am still seeking His will in this, but it seems like He is opening the doors. I have a wonderful Friday and Saturday... us Osborne guys went camping with the Hearn guys up in the mountains. We kind of roughed it... played some frisbee... fished a lot... I took a spill out of the canoe with cell phone, wallet, etc. It really was a great trip.

During devotions this morning, we studied Philippians 4. Verses 11 and 12 is what really stuck out to me.

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

This was a great reminder for me as I think about my work situation and how it really isn't where I see myself long-term... and yet it is where He has me right now. I need a good dose of contentment that comes only through Him. He is good and His ways are perfect!

Faith and Humility

In family devotions the other day, we read in Luke 7:1-10 where Jesus heals the centurion's servant. Although I have heard this story a whole bunch of times, I noticed something that I had never noticed before.

When He had completed all His discourse in the hearing of the people, He went to Capernaum. And a centurion's slave, who was highly regarded by him, was sick and about to die. When he heard about Jesus, he sent some Jewish elders asking Him to come and save the life of his slave. When they came to Jesus, they earnestly implored Him, saying, "He is worthy for You to grant this to him; for he loves our nation and it was he who built us our synagogue." Now Jesus started on His way with them; and when He was not far from the house, the centurion sent friends, saying to Him, "Lord, do not trouble Yourself further, for I am not worthy for You to come under my roof; for this reason I did not even consider myself worthy to come to You, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed. "For I also am a man placed under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, 'Go!' and he goes, and to another, 'Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it." Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled at him, and turned and said to the crowd that was following Him, "I say to you, not even in Israel have I found such great faith." When those who had been sent returned to the house, they found the slave in good health.

I found it really interesting and amazing that these Jewish elders came to Jesus and told Him that this centurion was worthy of Jesus coming and healing the servant. Obviously, none of us are worthy of Him... and yet to have people say something like that about you is pretty incredible. He even took the time to build the synagogue for the Jews. Anyway, the thing that really stuck out to me is that these people all said he was worthy and then when Jesus was coming, he didn't even feel worthy to see Jesus face to face, but sent someone else to deliver the message that he was unworthy of Jesus' presence. He had great faith, yes, but he also seems to have been living in the reality of who Jesus was and had great humility toward God.

What a great example for me... great faith with great humility. I need greater awareness of who He is in comparison to who I am so that I live in the reality of how great He is.

More of Him

Bible study at Cal Baptist started back up tonight... such a blessing as usual. Christina was loaded with homework, so she didn't end up coming with me (which was kind of nice because I got to spend much time in prayer out loud). :) I like to pray out loud in the car in order to keep myself focused. It really was a great time of fellowship with Him, but the thing that really pressed on my heart is that I need Him more than ever right now. I was thinking of all the big life decisions coming up in the next year or so and thinking that I really can't do life without Him... I need Him to be the center of these decisions more than anything else!

I was speaking of all the things He is to me... my life, my breath, my savior, my redeemer, my friend, my God, my all-sufficient sacrifice, my righteousness, my rock, my protector, my provider, the only way, my light, my guide, my only source of wisdom, my desire to do good, my hope, my everlasting king, my refuge, my fortress, etc. The more I thought about just how much He is, the more I realized just how much I need Him... and I realize that I will never get to the point where I know how much I need Him. I need Him far beyond what I can even imagine.

On the way home from Bible study, I was listening to a sermon which was actually more geared toward marriage, but the point that the pastor was making is that as we enter more things... work, marriage, kids, etc... with each new thing, we need more of the Holy Spirit. I love how God works like that... He got the pre-Bible study message across and then followed up with a post-Bible study message. :) Anyway, I am more convinced than ever before that I need more of Him. Please pray to this end!

God Uses People

It's been a really long time since I've posted here. Life has been full of many things such as, grandpa's memorial service, team handball in Chicago, organizing of a mission trip, work, school, stitches, etc. God is good, but I greatly miss writing here in that going back and reading the things I have written are a blessing to me as I reflect on what He has done in my life.

Anyway, I was reading in Joshua 1 this evening and noticed something that I hadn't noticed previously. This is a prime example of how God uses people to communicate His message. Throughout the chapter (verses 6, 7, and 9), God is telling Joshua to be strong and courageous. In verse 18, God uses the people to communicate this message to Joshua as well!

They answered Joshua, saying, "All that you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. Just as we obeyed Moses in all things, so we will obey you; only may the Lord your God be with you as He was with Moses. Anyone who rebels against your command and does not obey your words in all that you command him, shall be put to death; only be strong and courageous."

It seems weird that God would say it four times like that... until I think of my life and how much I need Him to continually remind me of what He has called me to do. I am so thankful for the godly influences in my life continually reminding me of who I am in Christ and what I am supposed to do. It's also a good reminder to me that I need to be God's instrument more in the area of pointing people toward Him in their actions.

Conquer the World!?!.... or not!

This morning was quite humorous. I set my alarm for 5:30 am in order to get some things done... spend time in the word... etc. It was one of those mornings where you wake up ready to conquer the world. Well, God, with His sense of humor decided that conquering the world was not His plan for me, but rather conquering... dog vomit all over the house. haha Usually this would be frustrating, but it made me laugh because the same exact thing happened the last time I tried to do something similar. It ended up being a good time in prayer. It was a great reminder to me that my plans are not ultimate. He is completely in control and can change my plans however He desires. I do hope that my plans are not continually changed in this way... maybe something more exciting. ;) Anyway, I found it neat how God could take something like dog vomit and turn it into a blessing. This evening, I decided to read over Philippians 3 since it is one of my favorite chapters.

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I know you see these verses on my blog all the time, but it is something that I need to be continually reminded of. Reflecting over the last year of my life, I see times where I have done well, and I see times where I have reached behind rather than forward. It's important for me to remember that those times are gone now. I can't change the past. What I did for Him will last... what I did for myself will not last. I am excited about this next year of life. It is another year to live for Him... another year to press on toward the goal.

It's kind of awkward asking for a birthday gift, but I am going to go ahead and ask anyway. I would like to ask for your prayers... specifically:

1) That Christ would be the center of my daily living.
2) That He would grant me His wisdom in the huge/life-changing decisions that will be made this next year.
3) That I would grow continually closer to Him both in knowledge of Him and in obedience to what He reveals.
4) That I would have a tender heart toward His ways... that I would be responsive to His leading without delay.
5) That God would use my life for His glory.